


Thrumming Veins

by MildSweetness (Meowth)



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Anal Fingering, Angst, Barebacking, Blood, Blood Drinking, Blood and Injury, Consensual Underage Sex, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I'm a Naughty Girl I Put Half-and-Half in My Coffee, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pain, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Romance, Spit As Lube, Suicidal Thoughts, Supernatural Elements, Vampire Sex, Vampire!Sougo, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-04-25 02:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14369046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meowth/pseuds/MildSweetness
Summary: Sougo never quite realized how sheltered he was growing up within the walls of the Ousaka estate. Life isn't easy for their kind, and he finds that out the hard way when his father cuts off his blood supply in an attempt to force him to come home.Tamaki has had enough of Sougo keeping secrets, and enough of his father's dirty tactics.





	1. Dirty Tactics

**Author's Note:**

> (I posted this earlier but then deleted and reuploaded, and I accidentally deleted one of my other works in the process. OTL Please forgive me, I done goofed.)
> 
> The vampire!Sougo AU I can't get out of my head. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I do have a ton of ideas, so this will probably be a sort of series of drabbles with some interconnected arcs.
> 
> I'm going with more semi-realistic vampires for this, so they're basically like another species. They age at about the same rate as humans, and they can get sick and die just like any other animals. Don't ask me biology questions because IDK, I'm stupid, but they do absolutely have to drink human blood to survive. Why? I have no idea. They ask themselves that every day, I imagine. They don't burn up in the sunlight, but they will feel sick if they're exposed to it for too long. And as for crosses, garlic, mirrors, and all that jazz--they're just old wive's tales in this story.
> 
> Vampires do also have some special abilities in this AU, but I'll get into it later (though you might be able to figure out Sougo's ability if you squint).
> 
> Will add tags and characters as they become relevant.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

…

Sougo had become an idol to help people. He’d wanted his voice to reach those who were suffering, thinking that maybe—just maybe—he could alleviate a bit of their burden. Had he been wrong? Was something like that out of his reach? That was the power of music, he’d thought. His uncle had helped him so much, growing up. Every time he’d visited, his uncle had sung for him, and every time, Sougo had felt as if the world was just a bit of a better place. When his uncle had died, he’d… Sougo had felt like some very real force of _good_ had been taken from the world.

He’d wanted to become a force like that, too—he’d wanted to help people.

He’d known he could do that through music, and he’d wanted to prove it. He’d wanted to prove himself.

…

But this wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

As he sat in their little dressing room backstage, Sougo stared at the email on his phone in disbelief. He felt chilled, and clammy, and a headache was looming threateningly in his temples, certain to turn into a migraine by nightfall. Those little black letters stared back at him coldly;

_Dear Ousaka-sama,_

_We regret to inform you that due to a change in our policies, we will be unable to provide you with your monthly shipment of blood this October. Please see the attached statement from our backers explaining the details of your case._

_Should you wish to appeal your case, please contact our legal firm at XXX-XXXX-XXXX._

_Sincerely,_

_The Crimson Cross Foundation_  
_X-X-X Azabu-J_ _ūban_  
_Minato-ku, Tokyo XXX-XXXX  
_ _XXX-XXXX-XXXX_

Sougo swallowed, thickly. The attachment was a word document containing only a few lines of text; from his father, telling him, in short, to _come home._

 _“Come home, or find another source of blood.”_ Sougo heard his father’s voice so clearly in the back of his head. “ _This childish game of yours has gone on long enough. If you’re so determined to continue working in the entertainment industry, then you’d better find a way to survive on your own. The Crimson Cross will no longer be supporting you—perhaps there’s a blood-bank nearby that’ll take pity on someone like you.”_

Sougo swallowed again. His throat was suddenly feeling incredibly dry.

He couldn’t believe that his father would pull a move like this. Interfering with IDOLiSH7 as the F.S.C. was one thing, but going out of his way to get him black-listed by the Crimson Cross? It was dirty… Many would even call it despicable. And it was going to be a very real, very serious problem.

Bringing a hand up to cover his mouth, Sougo tried to think of how many blood bags he had left from his last shipment. It was the end of September already, and since he hadn’t thought something like _this_ would happen, he hadn’t been particularly limiting himself lately. So he probably had… What, a week’s worth? A few days’?

 _Not enough_. He bit his lip, brow furrowing. _Not enough, not enough, not enough…_

 _Calm down,_ he told himself. _Don’t panic. Panicking won’t do any good in this situation—in fact it’ll have the opposite effect…_

“Sou-chan, are you ready?”

Sougo jolted at the voice that came from the other side of the room. He hadn’t even noticed Tamaki walk in. Now his partner was staring at him with a frown on his face, head tilted to the side just a little bit, one hand fiddling with the buttons on his jacket. That’s right—he had a job to do. They were making a guest appearance as MEZZO” on a show tonight. Sougo straightened quickly, trying desperately to erase any hint of unease from his face.

“Ah… Yes! Sorry, Tamaki-kun. I’ll be right there—”

…

That was a few days ago.

Now Sougo was curled up in his computer chair in his room, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he scrolled, scrolled, scrolled… There had to be a vampire support group nearby—he knew there had to be. But he’d never had to look for this kind of information before, and he couldn’t find much at all online. It made sense—their sites were probably unlisted for their own protection, available only if you knew the direct URL. All he’d found so far were vague forum posts by others like him, all anonymous, and hardly any were even recent enough to be relevant.

Sougo sighed frustratedly, leaning back in his chair. He’d heard, growing up, that their kind were dwindling in number… And he’d known that humans _hated_ vampires, enough that they’d hunted them down in the past, committing bloody genocide in some places and systematically weeding them out in others. But within the walls of the Ousaka estate, he’d never had to worry about things like that. Besides, society was past it all, right? The wars were over. Laws had been passed. Sougo had read about it all in history books.

He was from a good family, his father had always said. A respected family. A powerful family. As a vampire with the Ousaka name, he wouldn’t have to worry about things like being hunted, or discriminated against, or running out of blood to drink. Perhaps when he was old enough, he’d even be able to experience feeding on a human, drinking fresh blood the way they were _supposed_ to.

He remembered the conversation vaguely; _“I’ll teach you how to do it,”_ his father had said, giving a rare smile, fangs gleaming.

Sougo wished so desperately that he hadn’t. He hadn’t wanted to learn.

But that was in the past now. He wasn’t his father’s son anymore. He was going to do things his way, live his life as he wanted to live it, and use his gifts to do what he felt he ought to do.

He remembered his mother’s face the day he’d left, the worry and despair on her features, the way she’d begged him to just _listen to his father_ and _stay_. But his father hadn’t been willing to listen to _him,_ and Sougo hadn’t been willing to back down—for _once,_ he thought bitterly, in his _goddamn_ life—and so Sougo had packed his bags and left. 

He’d be fine, he’d thought. He had a long-standing relationship with the Crimson Cross, a foundation backed largely by the F.S.C. It wasn’t like he _had_ to be home to have them ship him the things he needed, though; contacting them and asking them to ship it to the dorms instead hadn’t been much of a problem. Until now.

His father really would rather he _starve_ than be an idol…

Sougo shivered a little, pulling the blanket more securely around his shoulders. No… That wasn’t quite right. His father thought he’d give in and come home—he thought this was a foolproof plan. Sougo had never experienced serious blood deprivation, but he’d heard stories of what it did to people. If those stories were true, then he’d be ruined within a couple weeks of running out. _IDOLiSH7_ would be ruined if he went crazy, or if word got out to the media that he was vampire, then…

 _How would the others react?_ Closing out of yet another dead-end website, Sougo exhaled slowly to try to calm himself and laid his head against his knees. Some symptoms of mild blood deprivation were lethargy, headaches, dizziness… He could feel them all setting in already. He’d been rationing his supply for the past few days, and his body didn’t like the sudden decrease in nutrients. He swallowed dryly. After he ran out completely, he’d start to feel colder, and colder, until eventually a fever would set in—his body temperature would go through the roof. The compulsion to feed would keep getting stronger. His eyes would light up. His survival instincts would kick in, and, if the stories were true, he’d be unable to keep himself from eventually attacking somebody.

Who would it be? Sougo couldn’t bear the thought of hurting anyone in IDOLiSH7. If they were going to find out, then they were going to find out, but… _Please… Please don’t let it be like that._

His throat hurt. He was so _thirsty._

 _Should I tell them, then? Before that happens?_ He didn’t know. He didn’t know how they’d react, how they felt towards vampires in general. They’d never talked about it in-depth, but Sougo remembered vaguely Yamato expressing a distaste for them once. Nagi had said that they were pretty much extinct in Northmarea, and Riku had said they were scary, like monsters out of a children’s book. Sougo closed his eyes and hugged his knees close to his chest.

This was bad… What was he going to do?

What _could_ he do?

…

He kept looking for a support group for several days.

Finally, after posting a question about it on an anonymous forum, someone had mentioned something about a bar in Omotesandou where some vampires hung out. Apparently, it was something of a speakeasy of sorts. The person who replied to his post said that he might be able to find someone who could help there.

Sougo went looking for it that night. He was desperate. His last blood bag felt cool and heavy in his pocket; Sougo palmed it nervously as he slipped through the crowd of people, trying to ignore the pain in his throat and the way the city lights made his head spin.

Things would be okay, he told himself. He’d find someone who was able to help at this bar, and then this would all be resolved, and he could go back to focusing on IDOLiSH7, on his work, on helping the people around him. He just wanted things to go back to normal.

When he got to the address though, he stopped, a sick feeling curling coldly in his stomach.

No… This couldn’t be right.

Sougo double-checked the address the person had given him on his phone. They’d described the location, too: _Turn right at the family restaurant and go down the street until you reach a stoplight. Cross the road and go down the small street that branches off diagonally from there. Keep going down that road until you see a vintage clothing store with a ton of stickers in the window. The bar is right next door, in the basement. There’ll be a neon sign for it out front._

Sougo had followed the directions perfectly… And now he was standing in front of the clothing shop, which sure enough had about a million stickers pasted on the outside of the display window. There was no sign for a bar, though.

He spotted a flight of stairs in the building to the shop’s left. Walking over to them, Sougo peered down into the darkness to try to see if there was a neon sign down there. There wasn’t, but there was a sign on the door with the words _Bar Plasma_ written on it in English. This was probably the right place, then…

But there was another sign slapped across the door that said, in bold letters, _CLOSED._

Sougo stepped away from the staircase, almost stumbling a little, and leaned heavily against the brick front of the building. He bowed his head and pulled his medical mask away from his mouth with one finger. _Shit…_ He felt as if he was going to be sick…

“You alright, dear?” The voice made him start a little, wide eyes darting to the side. An old woman was standing there—a passerby who’d stopped out of concern.

Sougo hesitated for a moment, trying erase the pained look from his face, and offered her a small, polite smile. “Ah… Yes. Thank you. I was just looking for a store, but it… looks like it’s closed.” He swallowed, eyes wandering back to the stairs. The old woman followed his gaze.

“Ah, that place?” She pursed her lips just a little bit. “Yes, that place closed a little while ago. You’re not really missing much, if you ask me, though—it was full of _creepy people.”_ She gestured vaguely with her hand, a disgusted look passing over her features.

“I… see. Is that so…”

The woman just nodded and laid a hand gently on his arm. “Yes, yes. If you want a drink, dearie, I can show you to some much nicer places. Places that’d suit a fine young man like yourself.” She smiled at him, pleasantly.

Sougo didn’t sense any malice in her tone, but he felt a wave of queasiness pass over him all the same. He swallowed, pulling his medical mask back up and shifting away from the old woman’s touch. “No, it’s all right,” he said, and bowed a little. “I think I’ll just skip on tonight then, but thank you.” He bowed a second time, for good measure, and then walked away quickly, before the woman could respond.

The blood bag had grown warm in his pocket. He needed to get home quickly to refrigerate it again.

… 

Sougo gasped as another wave of pain hit him, clutching the blanket around him like a lifeline and burying his face against the pillow. He couldn’t do this… It hurt. It hurt more than he could imagine, and he couldn’t do it anymore.

It’d been several days since he’d completely run out of blood, but he’d been running on far too little for long before that. He’d taken the smallest sips at a time from that last bag, trying to make a day’s worth of blood last a week, until finally, he’d squeezed, and squeezed, and not even a drop had come out. He wasn’t entirely sure what he’d been thinking that whole time. Had he been in denial of the situation? He ought to have gone home—he knew that it was petty to want to defy his father like this, and what was he really trying to do here anyway? Self-proof? What did that even mean? His wanting to be an idol… It wasn’t worth putting the people around him at risk.

_You’re so selfish._

And yet he’d kept moving forward, stubbornly, dazedly.

His headaches had gotten worse. He’d felt as if every movement took twice—no, three times as much effort. And yet he’d kept working, kept singing, kept dancing, and smiling with the others, even as the pain had gotten worse, and worse, and worse.

Until finally he couldn’t take it anymore. Yesterday, his head had been hurting so badly he could hardly think, and he’d barely managed to make some excuse about being “just a little tired” before retreating to his room and collapsing, pathetically, on the bed. He’d told himself that this headache would go away, like the others had before. They came in cycles, and there were brief moments of respite, but… It hadn’t. It hadn’t gone away, and he hadn’t been able to do anything about it other than lie there, and close his eyes, and pray for a few hours of sleep, a few hours of oblivion so he didn’t have to feel this incredible pain.

Now it was morning, though, and he hadn’t been able to sleep at all. He was cold—so cold. He’d piled every blanket he owned on top of himself, and he still couldn’t stop shivering. Was he dying? He thought he had to be. No illness he’d ever had before had caused him this much pain. He wasn’t sure if the fever had set in yet—probably, right? Was that why he was so cold?

He didn’t have a thermometer, and even if he did, he knew it wouldn’t do any good.

His throat hurt so badly, and his fangs did, too—like a dull, persistent toothache, the pain wouldn’t go away. It was similar to when he filed them down, only so much worse—was it because he filed them down? Did vampires who didn’t file experience this pain? He didn’t know, and he didn’t have anyone to ask.

He swallowed, and then let out a whine at the fiery agony it induced in his throat.

He wouldn’t be able to sing like this.

 _Am I going to die here?_ he thought through the blinding pain. _Or am I going to become something else…? something that’s not me…_

He couldn’t stop thinking about blood. It’d started with a longing for the blood bags he was so used to, but now he kept thinking about human throats, images flashing through his mind’s eye like some sort of sick silent movie. There was one throat in particular that looked so appetizing—soft and lithe, strong tendons reaching from jaw to collarbone, the bob of the Adam’s apple when he swallowed…

_Tamaki-kun._

The other half of MEZZO”, someone extremely important to Sougo, the person he was probably closest to.

He wanted the other here so badly right now…

_So you can what? Sink your fangs into his neck and suck him dry? Feast on his blood like the monster you are?_

_Disgusting._

_Freak._

His eyes were almost certainly lit up by now. He didn’t have the strength to lift his head and look in the mirror, but he knew that if he did, he’d see bright red eyes staring back at him, rather than the usual violet. The vampire’s curse, he’d heard it called. The most surefire way to tell if someone was a creature of the night…

If someone was to come in now, he…

There was a knock on the door, loud and persistent. “Sou-chan? Sou-chan!?”

Sougo’s eyes snapped open. He regretted it instantly; even the faint light that seeped through the curtains sent stabbing pain through his temples, but…

“Sou-chan, what the hell!? We’re gonna be late!” Tamaki’s voice was laced with something between irritation and concern; incredulous that Sougo had overslept, no doubt.

Sougo groaned and rolled over. The action made the room spin dizzyingly, and he squeezed his eyes shut again in a futile attempt to block it out. His head was simply _throbbing,_ though, and no matter how he tried to push the pain aside and _focus,_ he couldn’t. He couldn’t think.

“T-Ta… maki…” When he first attempted to speak, it came out as little more than a whisper, a pathetic croak. Sougo took a shaky breath and tried again to force the words out. He felt like he’d swallowed a razor blade. “Tamaki-kun… I don’t… think I can make it…”

“Hah??” Tamaki’s exclamation was loud even through the door. Sougo gasped and pulled the blankets up over his head.

“I-I’m… sick. I have a fever… so I should stay home…” He forced the words out. He wasn’t sure if Tamaki could hear him through the blankets and everything else, but did it really matter? Did anything matter anymore? What job did they even have today? A guest appearance on some TV show? A rehearsal? Sougo couldn’t remember. He wanted to go work. He didn’t want to be a burden on the others, didn’t want to cause them trouble. But he couldn’t… They needed to go without him.

_Just leave me here to die._

_Why Tamaki-kun? Why did it have to be him?_ Why, out of all the people who could’ve come to fetch him, did it have to be Tamaki, the person he wanted so badly to see, but the person he absolutely _shouldn’t_ see when he was like this. Tamaki was… Tamaki was so important. Like a precious treasure… Sougo didn’t want him to see him like this. He wanted to just shrivel up and die—as long as Tamaki didn’t see him like this, as long as he wasn’t involved, tainted, hurt—

“… Sou-chan, I’m coming in…”

Sougo threw the covers back suddenly, forcing himself with everything he had to push himself up and try to _stand._ “No--!!” He had to lock the door. He realized suddenly that he hadn’t locked the door. He had to get up, and cross the room, and lock it, before—

He hit the ground hard, wrist rubbing harshly against the carpet, pain shooting through his entire body. It was simply _blinding._ Sougo didn’t know any other way to describe it, other than blinding, and deafening; his ears were ringing as he lay there, trying to _breathe._

He wasn’t sure how long he was lying there, curled in on himself, gasping desperately, but the next thing he knew there was an arm around his shoulders and Tamaki’s panicked voice calling his name—

“Sou-chan!? Sou-chan!!”

His voice was so broken—like shattered glass. Sougo grit his teeth hard, pressing his head against what he assumed was Tamaki’s chest. His eyes were screwed shut in such a look of agony, but finally, he managed to open them enough to look up at the other, gaze bleary and unfocused. Tamaki’s features swam dangerously in his vision, but Sougo could see his neck clearly, the strained muscles as he leaned over him.

“Tamaki-kun…”

There was a sharp intake of breath from the other, and Sougo realized, immediately, that he’d made a terrible mistake.

_My eyes—_

“Sou-chan, your eyes—”

Sougo shoved the other away with as much force as he could possibly muster. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to push him out of Tamaki’s arms. He hit the ground again with a broken noise and tried, tried, _tried_ to push himself up.

“Sou-chan…!? Sou-chan, stop!”

“Go away!” He rasped it as loudly as he could, bracing himself on his elbows, forehead pressed against the carpet. With every rapid beat of his heart, pain pulsed through his head, his throat, his _veins._ He was going to die, but that was fine. It was better than him doing something awful, something horrible to Tamaki…

_He wanted so badly to bite down on that toned neck, the muscle between Tamaki’s throat and shoulder, the spot his father had taught him to bite to get the best angle, the best flow of blood—_

_Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop--!!_

“Stop it! Look at me!” Tamaki’s arm was on his back again, his hand touching his feverish face, and Sougo felt as if he was going to explode. He inhaled sharply through his nose, jaw clenched, lips pressed together, eyes squeezed shut.

Another whining noise escaped him, a noise like a dying animal. “Tamaki-kun, please! Please go away…” He said it desperately. He _begged._

Tamaki was silent for a long, agonizing moment, then, and they were still. Sougo’s back shuddered under the other’s fingertips, and there was only the sound of his labored breathing, the hiss of air through his teeth. _Please go away,_ he thought. _Please, please, please…_

_I can’t hurt Tamaki-kun._

_I don’t know what I’ll do if he stays._

It was terrifying. Sougo wasn’t sure if he’d ever been so afraid in his life. He’d rather die— _anything_ was better than hurting this person he loved so much, and he needed Tamaki to under _stand_ that, understand that he was a monster, he wouldn’t be able to control himself, he’d bite him if he stayed, and he’d _hurt_ him, he might even _kill_ him, he—

…

Sougo had bitten a human only once before.

When his father had decided it was time to take him ‘hunting’.

They hadn’t killed the girl, but Sougo could still remember the way she’d trembled in his arms, that flash of betrayal in her eyes, the way she’d _begged_ him to stop before he’d rendered her boneless and unresisting to his touch. He’d been sure to inject the venom quickly, before she could feel much pain, but that didn’t change the fact that it was _wrong,_ that he’d _violated_ her.

 _“Not grade-A work, but I suppose it’ll do,”_ his father had said afterwards, as Sougo had sat there with the girl’s head in his lap, stroking her hair.

He’d wanted to die then, too. He’d never felt so alive before, and never wanted to die so badly.

 _“I’m sorry,”_ he’d said quietly, when his father had finally left them alone. _“I’m so sorry…”_

…

“I’m sorry,” he rasped, a pale hand fisted against the carpet, shoulders seizing under Tamaki’s palm. “I’m sorry. Tamaki-kun, please… Please, go away…”

Tamaki didn’t respond. But Sougo could still feel the other touching him, burning hot, and it was all he could do not to spin around and grab Tamaki’s collar, to yank him down and sink his fangs into that supple flesh…

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, that hand retreated from Sougo’s back.

And Tamaki went away.

…

Sougo had no idea how much time had passed when he finally returned. It felt like an eternity, but it was probably only minutes, because when Tamaki finally _did_ come back, he was out of breath like he’d been rushing somewhere, words tumbling from his mouth too quickly;

“Sou-chan, I’m sorry! I-I’m sorry I took so long, I came back as fast as I could. You don’t have to worry about the others—I talked to Yama-san and they’re all gonna go ahead. So don’t worry about them—it’s fine. Sou-chan, _please.”_

Sougo barely heard him; he felt a vague spark of worry at the ‘talked to Yama-san’ comment, but he couldn’t really bring himself to care too much at the moment. Tamaki was _back._ He hadn’t listened. He was kneeling down beside him and pressing that hand against his spine again, invading his space and getting _too close._ As if it was _nothing._ As if it was _fine._ Sougo pressed his cheek against the cool carpet beneath him and tried to roll over and push himself up again.

It wasn’t fine. Nothing about this was fine.

“Tamaki-kun…” His body refused to cooperate. Tamaki caught him when his elbows buckled, a strong arm around his waist, and Sougo’s stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots as the other gathered him into his arms again, holding him close. Tamaki was so warm… No, he was burning. Sougo was still freezing, still shivering, but wherever his skin touched Tamaki’s, it felt like it was on fire.  He swallowed thickly, agonizingly, and opened his eyes to look up at the other, the underside of his jaw.

Tamaki wasn’t looking at him, though. He supported Sougo with one arm as he fished for something in the pocket of his sweatshirt. When he pulled out what he was looking for, Sougo’s eyes widened.

A pocketknife.

_No…_

_No, no, no…_

Sougo could tell immediately what the other was planning, and at the same time, he knew that he’d be _powerless_ in this equation. Powerless to stop Tamaki, and powerless to stop himself. His brow knit, pain of a different kind crossing over his features, and then he shut his eyes again, tilting his head away from the other. “Tamaki-kun, please… don’t…”

Tamaki tensed, and when he spoke, Sougo could hear the incredulity in his voice. “Sou-chan, you _need_ this.”

Sougo opened his eyes again, that crimson finally meeting those bright blue eyes properly. The conflict and agony was written so plainly in his own eyes, but Tamaki’s gaze was clear and unyielding, filled with nothing but grim worry and a sense of resolve. They were honest, Sougo thought.

God, why couldn’t he be more honest? Why couldn’t he be more like Tamaki?

_Why couldn’t he be normal?_

Tamaki shifted him a little in his grip to free his other hand. Sougo closed his eyes again, reaching up to clutch weakly at the front of his sweatshirt. He didn’t want this, he told himself. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want this, he didn’t _want_ this… This was the _last_ thing he wanted, next to losing control and attacking Tamaki himself.

He wanted to die so badly then, he didn’t _deserve_ this—  

In one swift motion, Tamaki brought the knife down across his forearm.

The scent of blood was sudden and overpowering. Vampires supposedly had only a slightly heightened sense of smell compared to humans, and yet Sougo felt then as if the scent was all around him, hot, and heady, and absolutely impossible to ignore. He’d noticed the smell of blood plenty of times before, but it’d never seemed so strong, because he’d never been as _thirsty_ as he was now.

Sougo whimpered—a small, pathetic sound, and pressed his face against Tamaki’s sweatshirt, attempting to turn away from the arm hovering in front of his face.

 _“Sou-chan.”_ Tamaki’s tone was pleading. He dropped the knife and held Sougo’s shoulders a little tighter then, drawing his wounded arm close to his face. “Sou-chan, you _have_ to. Please…”

Sougo shook his head desperately, holding his breath. “No! No…” He couldn’t take this. He couldn’t take having his partner’s blood so close to his face, trickling down his arm in thin little streams. He was on the brink of losing it, and he’d cling to this last scrap of humanity for as long as he could. The pain thrummed through him relentlessly, and the urge to give in was _so_ strong then, but he couldn’t, he didn’t want to, he…

He didn’t want to drink Tamaki’s blood. _Not Tamaki’s._ It would change things between them—he’d do something irreversible, and then they wouldn’t be able to go back, he wouldn’t be able to wake up from this nightmare he’d fallen into. He just wanted things to go back to normal—!

“Stop being so stubborn!”

Tamaki shoved his arm towards him then, pressing the cut against Sougo’s cheek. Blood touched the corner of Sougo’s mouth before he could do anything to stop it, and then it was over.

He’d lost.

His eyes snapped open, his breath leaving him the instant he tasted that scarlet liquid, and before he could stop it, his body had _moved._

Sougo’s lips parted, and he turned his face towards that steady stream, mouth moving against the other’s arm desperately. The taste was overwhelming; it filled his mouth, and his nose, and Sougo took a deep breath, tongue slipping past his teeth to lap greedily at Tamaki’s arm.

 _God,_ it tasted so _good._

It burned like liquid fire as it slid down his throat, and then Sougo could feel it settling in his stomach, warming him from the inside. He sighed, opening his mouth wider as his tongue ran over the other’s flesh. The blood had run in rivulets nearly to Tamaki’s elbow, and Sougo started there, shifting a little and bringing his hands up to clutch that arm, hungrily. Tamaki’s skin was soft, and his blood tasted incredible… The powerful tang of iron with just a hint of sweetness behind it… It was better than any blood bag Sougo had had, better than the girl’s blood, from that night, better than he ever could have imagined…

Sougo gripped Tamaki’s arm tighter, sitting up more, sucking lewdly at that injured limb. He moved down Tamaki’s forearm, cleaning off every last drop of the delectable liquid until finally he reached the source: the cut just a few inches below Tamaki’s wrist, not deep enough to be seriously dangerous, but deep enough to flow freely, for a while. Sougo pulled his head back just a bit, looking hazily at the wound.

“S-Sou-chan…”

He bit down.

“Nng--!”

His fangs weren’t sharp enough. He kept them filed to keep his secret from getting out, and besides, he’d never needed fangs to drink bagged blood. Vampires’ fangs grew back quickly, though and they were sharp enough to break the skin; he just had to bite down harder. It’d leave a mark, bruised and ugly instead of the neat puncture wounds he could’ve left otherwise. Sougo would feel guilty about it later, regret in his eyes each time he looked at that silvery mark.

But at the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care, couldn’t even think about anything other than the blood flooding his mouth, obliterating any semblance of rational thought. It was delicious. No, it was more than that—it was like a drug. It couldn’t heal him right away—reversing the effects of blood deprivation would take some time. But it would help. A lot. The relief was instantaneous as that life-bearing liquid rushed down his throat, and Sougo moaned softly against Tamaki’s skin, face flushing with warmth as he drank. And drank. And drank.

_He couldn't stop._

_"Sou-chan... Sou-chan. Sou-chan!"_

He didn’t hear the other calling his name until Tamaki grabbed him and pulled away forcefully, yanking his arm free from Sougo's jaws. 

"Sou-chan, that's  _enough!"_

Blood splattered; several drops hit the carpet with a pattering noise. Sougo's eyes fluttered open—when had he even closed them? For an instant, then, he tried to follow that arm on instinct. He needed _more--_

_More of Tamaki-kun’s blood?_

He froze.

… What was he doing?

_Ha! You really couldn’t hold back._

_Monster._

Sougo blinked rapidly, shivering, as he began to gradually come back to his senses. “T-Tamaki-kun…?”

Tamaki’s breathing was labored, and when Sougo finally looked at him, he saw that the other was flushed as well, skin tinted a deep red right up to the tips of his ears. He held his injured arm gingerly against his midsection in such a way that Sougo couldn’t see the bite, but he could see blood still flowing from it, and the hint of bruising wrapping around his arm. His stomach lurched—he felt like he was going to be sick.

He… What had he done…?

How much venom had he injected? He didn't know. He hadn't been thinking, hadn't been aware of what he was doing, he... He pulled away from the other slowly, violet eyes wide, and hesitantly raised a hand to touch his own face. The area around his mouth was slick with blood—it stained his fingertips, and was no doubt all over him. _Disgusting._ “T-Tamaki-kun, I…” He trailed off. What could he even say?

Nothing he said could make this better…

“I-I’m sorry, I…”

Tamaki just stared at him, a hand hovering over his mouth. For a moment then, he almost looked a little wary, and Sougo felt his heart plummet in his chest, his own blood running cold in his veins.

_This was it. He’d done it—he’d done something horrible that he could never take back, and now Tamaki-kun was afraid of him. He hated him. He was going to abandon him, rat him out to everyone else and watch him squirm, he…_

_Sougo would have to go back. He’d have to go back and beg for his father’s forgiveness._

_"You see?" his father would say. "This is the way things are._

_"All you have to do is stay quiet and do as you're told."_

“Wow..." Tamaki's voice made Sougo start, brow furrowing as he watched the other try collect himself. The other half of MEZZO" straightened slowly and cleared his throat, fixing Sougo with a somewhat dazed look. For a long moment then, neither of them said anything. Sougo's chest heaved slightly with every breath he took, and as he leaned back on his palms, putting space between them, he steeled himself for the worst.

Then Tamaki did the most ridiculous thing though, something that made Sougo’s heart skip a beat, his insides fluttering helplessly—

He smiled—that slightly cocky, lopsided grin of his—and laughed, ever so softly.

“I guess you really needed that, huh?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll continue this scene in the next chapter! Thanks for reading~ ٩( 'ω' )و


	2. Taking Responsibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything I write turns into smut, I'm sorry. (；一ω一||) I promise you, though, this fic will have more plot later.
> 
> I really struggled writing this chapter, and I'm not happy with it at all, but eh. I figured I'd post it so I can move on. Maybe I'll revise it later.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy. ᕕ( ; w ; )ᕗ

For a long moment, all Sougo could do was stare at the other, unable to process those words, or that smile—the way he shifted from where he’d been kneeling to sit properly and draw his knees up to his chest. Tamaki looked flustered—his blue eyes flickered nervously from Sougo’s face to the ground, and then he laughed again, rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck.

“S-Sorry,” he said, and looked down at his arm, the blood still flowing sluggishly across his skin. “Do you need more? I didn’t mean to shove you away like that. You just, uh… s-startled me. When you bit me.” He swallowed, eyes sliding back over to Sougo’s, and then, hesitating for only a moment, extended his forearm towards him again.

His brow was knit a little, but it wasn’t a look of pain or reluctance, it was… something else.

“You… want it?” Tamaki asked.

And Sougo shivered, violet eyes snapping down to Tamaki’s injury. Did he want it? _God,_ of _course_ he wanted it. The cut was still bleeding, and now there was a bite mark framing it, the shadows of teeth bruised into the other’s forearm. There were two holes where his fangs had broken the skin, dark red and oozing, and when Sougo looked at them he felt his stomach churn, a wave of guilt washing over him.

It looked ugly. And it would probably leave a scar.

_It’s your fault._

_I didn’t mean to…_

“N-no.” He forced the word out, despite the fact that really he _did_ need more… He’d had enough for now to get his bearings, to think clearly again. “No, I… I’m okay…” It was amazing how quickly the blood was having an effect; his headache had faded to only a dull throb, and the pain in his throat had nearly vanished. He still felt sluggish, and disoriented, but for the first time in days, he felt like _himself_ again.

He felt like himself again, but… but at the same time, he felt like he _wasn’t._

_He’d drunk Tamaki-kun’s blood._

“Y-You’re not mad?” The question escaped Sougo before he could stop it, slipping out as he looked back at the other, incredulously.

Tamaki stared at him, brow furrowing a bit. “… Hah?”

“You… You should be angry at me. I _bit_ you.” The words left such an awful taste in his mouth. _This wasn’t how things were supposed to be._ “Tamaki-kun, I’m sorry…”

“What're you talkin' about?” He swallowed again; Sougo could see the way his Adam’s apple bobbed with the movement. “I'm the one who was shoving my arm in your face. More importantly, are you sure? You… looked like you were really hungry…”

Sougo’s brow knit in confusion—perhaps even a hint of frustration. “I am! I… I’m okay now, I swear. Thanks to you…” He moved towards the other then, hesitantly. As if he wasn’t sure if he should, as if he thought Tamaki might pull away at any moment. Tamaki didn’t, though, and Sougo gingerly took hold of that wounded arm, forcing himself to look at the injury despite the way it made his stomach lurch. “I-I’m sorry,” he said again, brushing his fingertips over the gash, feather light. “I’m sorry, I… hurt you.”

_I hurt Tamaki._

Sougo couldn’t help but think to himself bitterly just how much of an understatement that was.

When he looked at Tamaki though, the other boy had an embarrassed look on his face, cheeks red, lips twisted a bit. “I’m okay. It didn’t really hurt, it uh…” He hesitated, looking off to the side, but then huffed a little and looked back at Sougo, eyes  _burning_. “It… It actually felt kind of… nice.”

_Always so honest._

Sougo couldn’t help the way his cheeks heated up, lips parting as realization dawned on him. Oh, he thought vaguely. _Oh._ “Th-that’s because—” He started to explain automatically, a desperate need to defend himself, but he cut himself off, biting down on his lip. Ah… How was he supposed to explain that to Tamaki? Explain that he’d… he’d…

_Injected him with an aphrodisiac._

Sougo’s stomach fluttered, and he had to tear his eyes away from Tamaki’s out of embarrassment. Okay, so… ‘Aphrodisiac’ was perhaps a bit of an overstatement. Vampire venom affected each individual differently, but almost always had a pleasurable effect, or at least a numbing one. Had Sougo been thinking straighter, he would’ve only injected a bit to eliminate the pain, but as it was...

Tamaki took a deep breath—in through his nose, out through his mouth. He leaned towards Sougo, resting his head against the older man’s shoulder, and Sougo could feel the heat rolling off of him in waves.

“Sou-chan,” he murmured, voice just a little bit strained. “I feel kind of… weird.”

_Oh god._

Sougo had never felt so flustered in his life. His emotions were all jumbled up; fear, guilt, regret embarrassment… but there was a sense of _hope_ too, because Tamaki hadn’t… Tamaki hadn’t abandoned him. He’d _helped_ him. That meant… That meant that maybe, he would be allowed to stay here… Maybe he wouldn’t have to leave.

_Maybe._

He had to push those thoughts aside for now, though. He had to deal with the problem at hand.

Sougo lifted a hand to touch Tamaki’s shoulder, light and nervous. He swallowed. “That’s, um… That’s normal. Here, Tamaki-kun, let’s get you cleaned up…”

He moved as if on autopilot then, trying to focus on one thing, and one thing only: _Tamaki._ Holding the other’s shoulder to steady him, Sougo helped him stand and guided him over to the bathroom. Tamaki could walk, but he seemed a little shaky. That was normal too, but they needed to get the bleeding stopped—for Sougo’s own sanity as well. “Wait here,” he said softly, and left the other leaning against the counter for a moment as he went to fetch the first aid kit from the kitchen. While he was there, he took a minute to wet a washcloth and wipe the blood from his own face. There was so much of it…

Sougo grimaced and tossed the red-stained rag into the garbage.

When he returned, he was glad to see the other still standing. Tamaki was fidgeting uncomfortably, though, and Sougo’s suspicions were proven correct when he saw the tenting in the front of the other’s pants.

Tamaki looked mortified, as if he’d been caught doing something wrong. “Sou-chan, I…”

Sougo shushed him though, trying to ignore the way his own face was positively _ablaze._ This was normal. Or… at least not abnormal. And it wasn’t Tamaki’s fault, it was _his._ He licked his lips nervously as he came over and set the first aid kit down on the counter.

“It’s okay,” he said, quietly. “I’m sorry, it’s… It’s my fault.”

Tamaki eyed him as he snapped the kit open. “Does this always happen?”

Sougo swallowed. “No, I uh… I got a little carried away.” He bit down hard on the inside of his lip. ‘Carried away’? That was putting it lightly. “It’s… It’s a side effect of the venom.” Pouring some alcohol out onto a gauze pad, Sougo turned to Tamaki. Gently taking hold of his arm again, he set to work.

“Do you think you can, uh… calm down?” he asked after a moment, as he wiped the blood away from his partner’s injury. He went through several gauze pads before the area was satisfactorily clean. Tamaki didn’t even wince.

Tamaki swallowed roughly, shifting nervously, free hand braced against the counter, knuckles white. “Uh… P-probably not,” he admitted, and Sougo felt his stomach do an odd little flip. “Sorry, Sou-chan, I can… go… take care of it…?”

Sougo wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen the other so embarrassed before—he was certain now that _he,_ for one, had never felt so mortified in his life. Biting at his lip again, he fixed a few butterfly closures to the cut and then ventured a glance upwards, searching the other’s face through long lashes. He wasn’t entirely sure if he ought to say the words hovering on his tongue then, but he… he felt like he at least ought to…

He at least ought to offer…

So he summoned his courage and pushed forward, voice small and hesitant. “I can, um… do it for you?”

Tamaki's jaw dropped, eyes going round as he stared at the other. Sougo felt his stomach twist painfully then, regret washing over him, and he went on before he could stop himself, hastily trying to amend his words; “I-I mean, just if you want. Since it’s my fault, I figured I’d offer, is all, but I—”

Tamaki’s voice was quiet. “Sou-chan…”

“—I understand if you’re not comfortable with that. I mean we’re not… we’re not even dating, and I’m a guy at that, I get it—”

“Sou-chan.”

“—if it weirds you out. And I… did this to you. I’m sure you think it’s gross. For that matter—”

_“Sou-chan.”_

“—s-sorry for even saying anything, I should just, uh… l-leave you to—”

Whatever he was about to say next was cut off abruptly when Tamaki surged forward, pressing his lips firmly against his own. Sougo made a small sound of shock—something that could even be described as a _squeak._ His eyes widened as the taller boy pressed forward, taking hold of his wrist where he’d been trying to tend to the other’s wound. Sougo dropped the roll of gauze he’d been holding; it bounced off the countertop and unrolled silently across the floor.

Sougo didn’t notice it, though, didn’t notice anything other than the way Tamaki walked him back into the bathroom wall, mouth moving desperately against his own. He gasped, free hand braced against the other idol’s chest, and Tamaki took that opportunity to slip his tongue into his mouth, hot, and hungry, and searching.

“T-Tamaki—”

The kiss was rough, their teeth clacking together occasionally, but Sougo couldn't bring himself to pull away. All of his senses were alight, on overdrive from everything that had happened earlier, and as Tamaki pressed closer, one knee sliding up between his legs, he felt like something inside him was about to snap.

Maybe it already had.

His eyes fluttered shut, and he found himself tilting his head for a better angle, giving in completely as as Tamaki’s tongue moved to explored his mouth. Sougo made another noise then, something closer to a moan. _Fuck…_ His body was reacting instantly.

_Didn’t you want this for so long?_

Tamaki pulled back enough to breathe, leaving them both messy and gasping for air. “Sou-chan,” he murmured, forehead pressed against Sougo’s, and the other opened his eyes again to meet his gaze, hazily. Tamaki was shaking. “S-Sorry, but I don’t… think I can hold back.”

The words made Sougo’s breath hitch. He stared at Tamaki with wide eyes, like an animal caught in the headlights of an incoming car.

_You don’t think you can hold back?_

It was laughable, how Sougo had been in the exact same position just a while ago. How could he possibly fault Tamaki for something like this? _It was his fault._ So even though some dark voice kept whispering to him in the back of his mind, telling him over and over just how _fucked_ up this was, Sougo couldn’t bring himself to listen to it. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be, but… It was how things had turned out, and he wasn’t going to push Tamaki away now.

_He had to take responsibility._

Sougo closed his eyes again, fingers fisting in the front of Tamaki’s sweatshirt as he leaned in to breathe warmly against the other’s lips. “Then don’t,” he said.

…

Sougo wasn’t sure when exactly he’d started to feel this way, but he’d realized some time ago that he was in love with one Tamaki Yotsuba.

He was in love with Tamaki, but he wasn’t going to say anything to the other—he’d decided this almost immediately after realizing the extent of his feelings, because he knew that nothing good would come of it. It wasn’t his place… and it wasn’t right. Tamaki was still in high school, for one thing. And confessing would no doubt cause tension within IDOLiSH7, and put strain on their professional relationship as MEZZO”. And then, even if by some miracle, Tamaki did reciprocate his feelings…

Things would never work out between them, anyway.

Sougo was a vampire. Beyond that, he was a vampire of the Ousaka clan. Even if Tamaki turned out to be one of the few humans who didn’t find vampires repulsive… the same couldn’t be said for Sougo’s side of things.

His father… No, his entire family hated humans. They hated them with a passion Sougo had never understood—a passion he’d never shared. _“You’ll understand someday, when you’re older,”_ his father had told him. _“You’ll understand how they demeaned and beat us into the dirt. Centuries of oppression… Of hunting us down one by one.”_ He’d looked at him with those eyes, dark and hard as chips of glass. _“Even if you didn’t experience it yourself… Someday, you’ll understand that humans never change.”_

 _“They never change. And that’s why we have to slink around in the darkness, and act ashamed of our very race--!”_ His father had slammed a fist on the tabletop then, hard enough to make the silverware rattle. Sougo had flinched. _“They’re good for nothing. The only thing they’re good for is their money and their blood.”_

Sougo had wanted to protest so badly, to challenge his father on his unfair ideals. Things were different now, he’d wanted to say. There were good people amongst the bad, just as there were plenty of cruel vampires amongst the kind. His uncle’s face had flashed through his mind, that gentle voice telling him about all the shows he’d been to, all the people he’d met… _Uncle didn't feel that way,_ he'd wanted to say.  _And neither do I._

But he hadn’t had the courage. So he’d just swallowed, nervously, and taken a sip from his glass.

 _“Yes, father,”_ he’d said, even as is chest had clenched and his heart had screamed at him, _no. “Yes, father, I’m sure you’re right.”_

So when Sougo had fallen for Tamaki, he’d tried, and tried, and tried—so desperately—to snuff those feelings out. But he hadn’t been able to.

If he couldn’t stop loving Tamaki, he’d decided, then all he could do was keep it a secret. All he could do was hold that feeling close and guarded against his heart like a precious treasure… And meanwhile, he’d begun to distance himself from the other, always keeping him at arm’s length with polite words and evasive answers.

They were friends. And they were coworkers.

Nothing more.

…

Sougo gasped when Tamaki actually _picked him up_ , a strong arm supporting his back as he held Sougo close. Sougo had to wrap his legs around the other’s hips then to keep from falling, and the friction as Tamaki pressed against him made him shudder, a hand fisting in that longish blue hair. Tamaki kissed him again, open-mouthed and demanding.

“Sou-chan…” He rolled his hips upwards once, hot and needy.

Sougo bit down hard on his lip to stifle the noise that threatened to escape him then. _Dammit…_ He was already hard…

The next thing he knew, Tamaki was carrying him from the bathroom, laying him on the bed and hovering over him, all over him. His back arched a bit, and he eyed the other flusteredly as he moved from his jaw down to his collarbone, long fingers fumbling with the buttons of Sougo’s shirt until he had the clothing open and Sougo’s chest exposed.

Sougo couldn’t quite process it all then. Was this really happening?

He had the passing thought that they shouldn’t do this, that they would both regret it later, but... Tamaki didn’t seem to want to stop, and Sougo wasn't exactly in a responsible state of mind himself. The taste of the other’s blood was still sharp in his mouth, his head still spinning with that desperate sense of _need_. _God,_ he wanted this—he wanted the other so badly…

Tamaki's teeth scraped over a sensitive nipple, and Sougo gasped, voice cracking helplessly. “Ah--!” He brought a hand up to stifle it, pressing his palm against his lips.

Those blue eyes flickered up to his, bright and unrestrained. Tamaki shifted upwards, prying those fingers away from Sougo’s mouth so he could kiss him again, deeply. “Don’t do that,” he breathed, pulling back just a bit and nuzzling against Sougo’s jaw. “Sou-chan, I want to hear your voice.”

His tone made Sougo’s stomach flip; he’d never heard Tamaki sound like that before… “I-I don’t—”

Tamaki cut him off though, capturing those swollen lips once again. This time his tongue ran over Sougo’s teeth until he found one of his fangs, razor-sharp and sensitive.

Sougo jolted at the foreign sensation, moaning into the other’s mouth before he could stop himself. _God…_ He’d known vampires’ fangs were tender, but he’d never imagined that having someone kiss him like this would feel so good. Tamaki took a deep breath through his nose, pulling away to gaze down at him, hazily.

“You taste like blood,” he murmured.

“Th-That’s…”

Tamaki knew what he was going to say before he could finish. He smirked a little, one hand wandering downwards to edge under the hem of his pants. “… It’s my blood, isn’t it?” He hummed as he pulled the other’s pants and underwear down, lower and lower, until finally Sougo’s erection sprang free. Sougo shuddered, reaching up to slink both hands around Tamaki’s neck.

“Yes,” he breathed, tugging the other down to kiss him again, desperately. _“Yes.”_

Tamaki’s eyes flashed dangerously as Sougo’s forwardness. He let out a harsh breath as he pumped the other’s length with one hand, just a little to rough to be considered skillful. His other hand came down to fumble clumsily with the front of his jeans. Within a few seconds, he had them off and on the ground, groaning softly when his erection was finally exposed, hot and hanging heavy against Sougo’s cock.

Sougo made a needy noise, rolling his hips up into the other’s so Tamaki gasped, eyes fluttering shut. Both their lengths were already slick with precum, sliding smoothly against each other, and Sougo wanted nothing more then than for the other to be inside him, filling him to the brim. He whined softly.

“Tamaki-kun, please…”

His voice was little more than a whisper. Sougo could hardly believe he was _begging._

Tamaki opened his eyes again, gaze fluttering over his features. He thrust his own hips in time with Sougo’s, taking hold of both their cocks so they were held hot and tight against each other. His movements were a little clumsy then, and Sougo wondered vaguely in passing if Tamaki had ever done this before. 

_And if he hadn't?_

“A-Ah… T-Tamaki—”

Whatever Sougo had been about to say, he was cut off when Tamaki brought a hand up, pushing his fingers past those bloodstained teeth.

“Suck them, Sou-chan." His voice was strained, and breathy, and filled with desire. Sougo didn’t have to be told twice. He moved his tongue against those fingers wantonly, sucking on them, coating them thoroughly in saliva as Tamaki thrust them into his mouth.... Tamaki didn’t take his eyes off his face as he did so, watching him with a lustful expression, a gaze that burned across Sougo's skin. Sougo thought vaguely then that he should’ve been embarrassed— _none of this was ever supposed to happen_ —but with Tamaki’s fingers in his mouth, his cock sliding against his, his very _blood_ pulsing through Sougo’s veins, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He’d do anything... He'd do whatever Tamaki asked of him.

He released those fingers with a rather lewd noise when the other tugged them away, and Tamaki shifted so he could push Sougo’s knees apart and reach that hand down between his legs. Sougo bit down hard on his lip when he felt the other fingering his entrance, teasing the rim for only a moment before pushing past that ring of muscle.

It hurt, the other's movements just a little too forceful and needy to be comfortable. Sougo gasped, tilting his head back against the foreign sensation. Tamaki went back to stroking his cock, slowly, to distract him as those fingers went deeper, curling just a bit. Sougo’s legs shuddered where they were bent on either side of the other’s hips, his hands fisting desperately in the bedsheets. “Nng…”

Tamaki moved his hand slowly at first, and then a little more quickly. Sougo’s features were screwed up in a look of discomfort. _Fuck,_ it hurt... It couldn't be helped, though; he didn't have any lubricant, and he couldn't fault Tamaki for being rough when he was in such a state, Sougo's venom pulsing like liquid fire through his veins.  _It's my own fault._ Plus, he wasn't sure if Tamaki really knew what he was doing here, not that Sougo could claim much experience himself. Breathing deeply, Sougo tried to focus instead on the pleasure in his cock, until suddenly Tamaki pulled his fingers out and hiked his legs up a little higher.

Ah… His eyes fluttered open then, flusteredly. "Wait..." _Fuck,_ he wasn’t ready—

But instead of positioning himself against his entrance as Sougo had expected, Tamaki slid down to nuzzle his face against the underside his balls, lapping once at that soft, sensitive skin. Sougo yelped, body twitching. “T-Tamaki-kun, what—”

“You’re too tight, Sou-chan,” the other murmured, eyes flashing up to meet his, bright blue against deep violet. “Try to relax…” His tongue trailed downwards, until his face was nestled between Sougo’s ass cheeks and that wet muscle was pressing against his hole...

“Ah...!”

Sougo’s voice cracked in a moan when the other pushed his tongue past that tight ring of muscle, wetting his entrance with more saliva, warm and slick. He couldn’t help it then—he covered his mouth again out of reflex, eyes closing against the completely foreign sensation. _God,_ it felt so strange…

_But it was… good…_

Tamaki huffed a little, noticing the way he stifled himself, but let it slide… for now. Moving his tongue in deliberate circles, he spread the other’s cheeks a little more, hands wide, fingers pressing into that pale skin so he could eat him out thoroughly, relentlessly. Sougo couldn’t keep himself from whining against his palm, legs twitching with each of the other’s movements, and he reached his other hand back to clutch desperately at the headboard of the bed.

 _God,_ he thought again, as Tamaki added more saliva, mouth moving against his asshole with the lewdest little noises. _God,_ wasn’t that _enough…?_

He didn't know. But as if he could hear his thoughts, Tamaki finally pulled away, mouth still open slightly, spit trailing from his tongue down to the other’s pert hole. He looked up at Sougo, and then his expression positively _melted_ at the look on the other’s face. Sougo was flushed up to his ears, biting down lightly on one knuckle as he gazed at Tamaki, eyes hazy and desperate. He panted, head spinning. _“Please,”_ he breathed.

_Please…_

That one word was all Tamaki needed to hear. Taking hold of his own cock, he pumped it once to coat it thoroughly in precum before lining it up against the other’s entrance and _pushing._

Sougo moaned loudly when he felt the head of Tamaki’s cock slip inside him, thick and burning, stretching him more than the other’s fingers ever could. Tamaki groaned as well, arching over the other with a hand braced against the bed, gasping at the incredible tightness of Sougo’s walls pressing in on him. He moved slowly, inch by inch, relishing the way his partner writhed underneath him, gasping as he was filled.

Sougo couldn’t think then, couldn’t process anything other than the red-hot sensation of Tamaki sliding inside of him; Tamaki shifted a bit to angle his hips better against the other’s, and Sougo had to move with him, legs wrapping around Tamaki’s lower back.

His breathing was labored when he tried to speak; “T-Tamaki-ku—Nn!”

He was cut off as Tamaki thrust in deeper, closing those last few centimeters until finally he was buried to the hilt. Sougo threw his head back, eyes squeezing shut, both hands flying down to fist in the back of Tamaki’s rumpled sweatshirt.

_“Fuck—”_

It still hurt despite Tamaki's preparation, but the pain was overshadowed by the incredible pressure, the heat that curled relentlessly in his groin. Tamaki let out a harsh breath as he leaned over Sougo, a hand coming up to brush over his cheek, almost reverently. “Sou-chan…”

Those purple eyes opened to gaze blearily at him, flustered and longing.

He rolled his hips once, pulling out… and pushing back in.

The movement made Sougo cry out, legs clenching helplessly around his partner’s waist. Tamaki silenced him with a kiss, mouth moving against the other’s roughly as he repeated the movement, this time with a bit more force.

He found a rhythm that was neither too fast nor too slow, pounding into Sougo steadily until he found that perfect angle and could move a little faster. Sougo couldn’t do anything to stifle the noises that escaped him then, and he gasped against Tamaki’s lips with every movement, every thrust into his tight hole. It felt incredible… Sougo wasn’t a virgin, but he’d never had sex like this before, desperate, and needy, the both of them giving and seeking so much… After a moment, Tamaki hit that particular spot inside him, and Sougo swore he saw stars, white-hot pleasure lancing through every inch of his body.

He broke the kiss in a desperate attempt to breath, moaning wantonly, and Tamaki pressed his lips against his temple, angling his hips to hit that spot again, and again, and again—

_It was too much—_

Tamaki gasped as the other tightened around him, and then his throat was right in front of Sougo, flushed and strained with exertion. Sougo found his lips parting of their own volition, drawn to that space near the base of his neck.

“T-Tamaki—” He panted the other’s name, fangs scraping ever-so-slightly over that heated skin. The urge to bite down was overwhelming; Sougo thought he might go crazy if he didn’t. He _needed_ it—he needed it so badly, and he couldn’t control himself, not like this…

Tamaki caught on immediately, tilting his head upwards so that more of his throat was exposed. He reached down then to stroke the other’s neglected cock, moving his hand in time with his thrusts until he had Sougo straight-up _mewling_. “Sou-chan,” he gasped, arm strained where he braced it beside the other's head. _"D_ _o it—”_

And Sougo did. He bit down hard, muffling a cry as Tamaki snapped his hips up into him, body jolting as hot blood flooded his mouth, that sharp and overpowering flavor. This time he managed to hold back from injecting too much venom, if only barely. He knit his brow as his lips worked against the other’s skin, sucking greedily so that not a drop of that precious liquid escaped.

Tamaki's breath hitched at the sensation, and then it was only a matter of time until he came undone, jerking erratically into Sougo as he drew closer and closer to climaxing. Sougo’s whimpers were muffled against his flesh as Tamaki pounded into him, and then that was it. Tamaki came suddenly, overwhelmed by all the sensations pulsing through his body, groaning into Sougo’s hair as he thrust in one last time, burying himself as deep as he could.

"Sou-chan," he gasped, desperately.  _"Sou-chan--!"_

The feeling of Tamaki coming inside him was enough to send Sougo over the edge as well. He bit down harder out of reflex as he orgasmed, whining against the other's flesh, cum spilling over his stomach and Tamaki’s hand. His body trembled helplessly, Tamaki’s blood gushing across his tongue, and he felt as if he could hardly breathe then, chest heaving as he drank, and drank, and  _drank._

 _Just a few more mouthfuls,_ he thought as he bucked his hips against the other's, riding out his orgasm for all it was worth. _Please, just a little bit more—_

_..._

_“Sou-chan…”_

Sougo had no idea how much time had passed, but he was suddenly aware of Tamaki calling his name again, voice slightly strained. His breath hitched sharply as the other pulled out of him, and then he finally managed to release his grip on that throat, gasping as he pulled his fangs out of supple flesh. He heaved, eyes wide as he stared up at Tamaki, pupils dark and blown-out. “T-Tamaki-kun…”

There was a thin stream of blood trickling down over Tamaki's collarbone. Sougo took a deep breath through his nose, tearing his eyes away. _Oh god…_

It hit him then—that cold realization.

_He’d bitten him again._

_He’d bitten him again already._ Dammit, _what was_ wrong _with him? How could he do something like this?_

“Sou-chan.” Tamaki breathed his name, nuzzling softly against his jaw, eyes closed. “Sou-chan, it’s okay.” His voice was so gentle… Sougo felt his heart flutter helplessly as Tamaki reached for one of his hands, tangling their fingers together, warm and slick with sweat. “It’s okay. I’m okay. See?” He brought that hand up to press against his cheek, brushing his lips against the skin of Sougo’s wrist. “I’m okay…”

Sougo swallowed, thickly, still struggling to even so much as _breathe._ He was suddenly aware of the fact that he was shaking, quivering as he gazed up at the other, disbelief so apparent in his eyes. “I…” He trailed off helplessly. What… What was he even supposed to say?

Tamaki met his gaze and held it, giving a crooked, slightly dizzy smile. Shifting his weight off of Sougo, he braced himself on one elbow at his side, pressing another kiss against the palm of the other’s hand.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he breathed then. “But Sou-chan, you didn’t do anything wrong…”

Sougo felt a lump form threateningly in his throat. “Tamaki-kun…”

How could Tamaki say something like that?

 _Sougo had done everything wrong. He’d defied his father and pursued something so far out of his reach… And when things had taken a turn for the worse, he’d kept moving forward selfishly instead of turning back, putting the people around him in danger until… until_ this _had happened._

He swallowed again, taking a deep breath to try to calm down. He’d… He’d taken advantage of the other. Tamaki was too kind to leave him alone, and that was why… that was why things had ended up like this.

Sougo couldn't help but feel this way.

“I-I’m sorry,” he managed. He felt like he was on the brink of crying then. The other half of MEZZO" was looking at him with such unbridled love and affection, and Sougo didn't  _deserve_ it _._ “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to turn out like this…”

Tamaki’s brow knit, his features twisting in a look that might’ve been close to pain. _I knew it,_ Sougo thought bitterly. _I knew it. I hurt him, and now—_

Before he could continue down that dark train of thought, though, Tamaki nuzzled forward again, a hand sliding back in Sougo’s hair as he kissed him, deeply. This time it was slow, and chaste—so different from the desperate kisses from before, the way they’d moved frantically like animals in heat. Sougo flushed, a shaky breath escaping over the other’s lips. “Tamaki-kun,” he said again, brow furrowing. He felt like it was all he could do to just repeat the other's name.

Why?

Why was Tamaki being so kind to him?

Sougo didn’t understand.

“Shh…” Tamaki pressed his forehead against Sougo’s, eyes closed as he inhaled, breathing slowly, in and out. Sougo tried to match that breathing, focusing on the other’s presence, the warmth he gave out so freely. “Sou-chan, there's nothing for you to be sorry about,” Tamaki murmured. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice what was wrong sooner. I… I should’ve realized what was going on…”

Sougo bit down hard on his lip. What?  _No…_ That was wrong—so, so, so wrong. He wanted to tell the other so, tell him that never in a million years did he have to apologize for that, but he couldn’t find the words to do so. He couldn’t find the words to say any of the things he wanted to. He swallowed, thickly. Tamaki went on;

“Sou-chan, why did you hide it?” he asked.

Sougo just blinked at him for a moment, uncomprehending. “… What?”

Those blue eyes fluttered open, fixing him with a searching look. “The fact that you’re a vampire.”

Hearing it from the other so casually like that… It made everything slide painfully into focus. This was really happening. It _wasn’t_ a dream, and it wasn’t something they could go back from... It was reality, and Sougo had to face it.

He averted his eyes, hesitating for a moment as he tried to come up with the right answer. Why… had he?

_There were so many reasons._

“I… I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stay here anymore,” he confessed finally, voice small enough it was almost inaudible. There were so many reasons, but… Sougo knew that that was the main one. Tamaki inhaled sharply.

“You dumbass,” he muttered, voice thick with emotion as he kissed him again, this time a little more firmly. “As if I’d let anyone run you off.”

…

It was such a simple statement, and yet it had such a profound effect on Sougo. He bit down hard on his lip as he gazed at Tamaki, mind racing as he tried to process the other’s reaction, a reaction he never thought he’d receive.

Tamaki… really didn’t care?

_He wasn’t angry._

_He wasn’t disgusted._

Sougo knew the venom was probably fading from the other’s body by now, the aphrodisiac effect along with it. He still couldn’t help but feel regret that things had spiraled so far out of control, but… if Tamaki was upset about what they’d just done… If he was repulsed by it, then surely he would’ve said something by now, right? He wouldn’t be lying here with his fingers intertwined with Sougo’s, speaking to him in such a tender tone, reassuring him like this.

He wouldn’t be telling him it was okay, affirming his place here with such a few simple words…

_Was it… Was it really all right for him to stay, then?_

When Sougo didn't respond, Tamaki opened his eyes again, giving him a slightly concerned look.

“Sou-chan, are you okay?”

“W-What?” Sougo blinked, lips parting a little. Was he okay?

_He was more than okay._

Tamaki sat up, pressing a hand against those puncture wounds on his neck. His palm came away bloody, though the flow had slowed considerably. “Do you need more?” Tamaki repeated his question from earlier, holding his hand out towards Sougo.

As if it was nothing.

As if it was fine.

_Maybe it was._

Sougo swallowed thickly. “N-No,” he said again, and this time it was the truth. He actually felt full, and he knew taking any more blood from the other at this point would be dangerous for Tamaki’s health. He sat up slowly, swaying a little. “No, I’m… I’m all right.” He moved as if in a daze then, sliding off the bed and standing, albeit a little shakily.

“Sou-chan, what—”

This time is was Sougo’s turn to cut Tamaki off. “We need to stop the bleeding,” he murmured, bending to retrieve his sweatpants from where they’d been discarded on the floor. He winced with the movement. All things considering, he felt fairly intact, but he was going to be sore for a while, that was for sure.

Sougo stumbled towards the bathroom and took a moment to clean himself up, gingerly wiping down his stomach, and the space between his legs. The bathroom was a mess, he realized dimly. The bloody gauze from earlier was still strewn across the counter, and the clean roll was ruined, a long line of white across the floor. Flushing a little and blinking several times to try to clear his head, Sougo picked it up and set it aside on the counter.

He returned to his room with the first aid box and his sweatpants securely around his waist. Pausing for a moment in the doorway, his eyes wandered dazedly over the mess they’d made here as well. The bed sheets would have to be changed… That much was doable, though. And the laundry, as well. More concerning were the spots of blood on the carpet. Sougo bit his lip; he’d probably have to just replace it…

He stopped short. _He’d have to replace it._

His eyes slid back up to Tamaki, now sitting up in bed with the sheets around his waist, looking much more alert than before, though also a little confused. “What’re you staring at…?” the younger man asked him after a second, tilting his head just a little bit to the side.

Sougo didn’t respond. _That’s right. He'd have to replace it, because... this was where he lived._

“Sou-chan?”

_He wouldn't have to leave..._

He still needed to find another blood supply; he couldn’t just rely on Tamaki for something like this, no matter how willing the other was. But as Sougo stood there, staring at the other, aware for the first time that the sun had retreated and rain was pattering very gently against the window, he began to feel like maybe… maybe… everything would be okay, after all.

“Nothing,” he managed, and stumbled to sit beside Tamaki, snapping open the first aid kit so he could get to work on the other’s wounds. “Nothing…” He ventured to look upwards, eyes soft and searching. That lump was back in his throat again, and Sougo bit down hard on his lip, fighting back the sudden, very real urge to cry. Nonetheless, his gaze glistened dangerously as he looked at the man who was irrevocably his other half, and when he spoke, he couldn’t keep the slightest tremor from slipping into his voice.

“Thank you, Tamaki-kun. Thank you… so much.”

Tamaki just stared at him for a long moment, a brow slanted inwards slightly, as if he didn't understand what Sougo was thanking him for. Then his lips curled into that soft, affectionate smile again though, and he reached out to brush his fingers against Sougo’s bangs, tucking a loose strand of hair tenderly behind his ear. “Idiot,” he said, and laughed a little. “You really are an idiot…”

Sougo swallowed, tilting his head into the other’s touch. “Yeah,” he murmured. “I know...”

…

That afternoon, Sougo sang to Tamaki, voice soft and silvery as they lay together in bed. It was a song his uncle had taught him, and with each word, Sougo gave the other a bit of himself, a drop of his own energy to replenish that which he’d taken.

He wanted to heal the other’s injuries completely, but he knew that he couldn’t, not in this state. Influencing people’s emotions with his voice was one thing—actually knitting flesh together was another, one that, while doable, would leave Sougo reeling and gasping for breath. He was still weak from going so long without feeding, so for now, helping Tamaki’s heart pump just a little more blood into his system was the most he could manage.

He sat with his back against the headboard, and Tamaki’s head resting in his lap. Tamaki was asleep; he’d grown tired shortly after Sougo had dressed his wounds, no doubt an effect of the blood loss. Sougo wasn’t sure how much he’d drunk from the other, but it was probably too much to be considered safe. Guilt curled persistently in his stomach, even though Tamaki had told him, so many times over, that it was _okay._

_It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay…_

Maybe, Sougo thought. Maybe it was okay to believe the other. He couldn’t allow himself to lose control like this again, though. He had to be more careful… For Tamaki’s sake now, as well.

_He didn't want to hurt the other like this ever again..._

Sougo let his voice trail off with a sigh when he felt a wave of exhaustion wash over him. Looking down at Tamaki’s relaxed features, he brushed a hand lightly across the other’s cheek. Tamaki felt warm, and perhaps it was just Sougo’s imagination, but he thought there was a little more color in his cheeks than there’d been a couple hours ago. Sougo let himself breathe a sigh of relief.

That was good… That would have to do for now…

Everything that had happened that day was still flashing vividly through Sougo’s mind. What they’d done… What had happened between them… What did it mean for them, moving forward? Things had changed—that much was undeniable. Things had changed, and there was no going back. They could only focus on where they would go from here.

Sougo loved Tamaki. He’d known this for a long time now. And even though he’d tried so hard to push the other away, things had still somehow ended up like this. Was there even any point in denying himself anymore? He didn’t know. He just knew that he didn’t want to leave things as they were. Not after this.

He wanted to face his feelings properly.

He wanted to take a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks... for reading...! ᕕ( ; w ; )ᕗ


	3. An Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have much to say about this chapter other than that it might be a little OOC. OTL Sorry. But nonetheless........ I tried. TT w TT
> 
> Enjoy! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

The others returned later that evening. Sougo had slipped away from the sleeping Tamaki eventually to work on cleaning up, and by the time he heard the front door opening, he was showered and dressed properly, wiping down the bathroom counter with a washcloth. He felt—and no doubt looked—better than he had in weeks. Straightening and glancing in the mirror, reassuring himself one more time that his eyes were their proper violet and not that glaring red, he tossed the rag in the hamper and slipped quietly out of his room.

He took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for what he knew he’d have to face. Practicing the lines he’d come up with while he was cleaning, the lies he’d crafted carefully to try to explain his behavior. He’d missed work, he thought to himself bitterly. He’d caused trouble for the others. _I have to apologize…_

Yamato was already walking swiftly down the hallway towards him. He reeled back a little when Sougo met him outside his room, hazel eyes wide.

“Sou,” he breathed, surprise in his voice and confusion on his features. Sougo expected him to be angry then, or at least mildly reprimanding. As it turned out, their leader was neither, his voice low and worried when he went on; “Are you all right? Tamaki told us you were really bad off this morning. He said you looked like you were dying.” He raised a hand to slip under Sougo’s bangs, pressing it against the warm skin of his forehead. Sougo blinked once, taken aback.

He opened his mouth to try to reply, but was too slow as usual as Yamato continued;

“Do you have a fever? Did you go to the doctor?” He exhaled worriedly through his nose, pressing a hand to his own forehead to compare the temperature. “You feel warm. _Shit._ I’m sorry, you were looking really tired lately—I should’ve stayed and made sure you were okay…”

That was enough to make Sougo snap out of it, shaking his head and pulling Yamato’s hand away. He felt a wave of warmth in response to the other’s tenderness. _That’s right…_ Tamaki wasn’t the only one who was kind-hearted and gentle towards him. Everyone in I7 was coming to feel like family to Sougo, despite the walls he’d tried so hard to build around himself. Or at least, what he thought a family ought to be.

He… He didn’t like keeping secrets from them.

_Tell them, then. Find out for yourself what they’d think of the real you._

“No,” he said quickly. “Don’t be sorry. It’s true, I felt sick this morning, but I… I’m a lot better now.” He swallowed nervously, trying to recall the words he’d memorized so thoroughly earlier. “I, uh… think it was probably just a stomach bug. My fever broke a little while ago.” His brow knit together then as he remembered his guilt, and he bowed suddenly, stiff and proper.

“I… I’m deeply sorry for any inconvenience I caused.” He recited those words the way his father had taught him. Then he bit his lip a little, though, and went on in a softer tone; “I didn’t mean to skip work. I’m sure I caused you all a lot of trouble.”

More trouble than he ever should have, and more trouble than he was frankly worth. _He couldn’t allow this to happen again…_

There was another voice from behind Yamato then, and several pairs of footsteps;

“Oh! Sougo!” Nagi, bright and cheerful.

“Sougo-san…!” Riku, relieved but still holding a hint of concern.

“Are you feeling better??” Mitsuki, worried in a way he usually reserved for his brother.

Sougo’s eyes flickered upwards. “Everyone…” There was an array of different expressions on those faces then, but all of them held at least a bit of concern, soft and worried. Iori’s features were the darkest, his brow furrowed in a serious expression beyond his years. When he spoke, Sougo sensed that he was holding back from scolding him;

“Ousaka-san, are you all right? You made us all worry…”

“Ah…” Sougo took a deep breath as those five bodies gathered around him; he felt a little overwhelmed then, backed up against the closed door to his room. He had to explain himself… He had to do what he could to make up for the trouble he’d caused. “Yes, I’m all right. I’m sorry for worrying you.” He found himself bowing again, a deep-rooted habit. “I’m so sorry. The job today…”

Yamato cut in, placing a hand on Sougo’s thin shoulder. “Stop apologizing, Sou. It’s okay.” His touch was light, his voice reassuring, and Sougo forced himself to lift his head and look at him. “Luckily we were just doing a shoot for the website today. Manager said they could do you and Tama’s later.” His eyes flickered upwards then, glancing searchingly around the hallway. “For that matter, where is Tama…?”

 _Still asleep in my room,_ Sougo thought vaguely. _Because I sucked so much blood out of his body he nearly passed out._ His eyes flickered nervously to the side. “He’s, uh… taking a nap,” he confessed truthfully. “He was taking care of me earlier and I’m sure it tired him out.” That’s right… It wasn’t a lie, it simply lacked the full truth, the meaning lurking behind those words.

A thin eyebrow arched upwards, but Yamato didn’t push the matter. “Is that so? I guess we’ll let him sleep, then…”

“Yeah…”

Iori cut in then, giving Sougo a pointed look—a look that made Sougo feel like a child, despite the fact that he was the older one here. “Please be careful to watch your health better from now on,” he said. “And… Please check your phone more often. Manager was texting you all day.”

Mitsuki came to Sougo’s defense, all too familiar with his brother’s tone. "Hey, don’t give him a hard time…” He gave Sougo a patient, reassuring smile. “Just take care of yourself, yeah? We were really worried about you, especially when you wouldn’t answer any calls…”

Sougo’s lips parted in realization. They were right; he’d hardly even thought to check his RabbitChat, even after everything that had happened… He bowed his head again, tugging nervously at the sleeves of his sweater. “Ah… Yeah. I’m sorry. I will…” He hardly knew what to say anymore; all he could do was stand there under all those piercing gazes and revel in his guilt. At least he hadn’t missed something time-critical… but still, he felt so horrible. He didn’t want to be a burden…

 _“It’s okay.”_ Tamaki’s voice echoed inside his head. _“Sou-chan, you didn’t do anything wrong…”_

Yamato smiled, patting that shoulder once, every bit the kind and responsible leader. “I know what you’re thinking,” he said.

Sougo’s eyes met his, wide and incredulous. _You do…?_

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. We’re just glad you’re okay.” He let his hand slip from Sougo’s shoulder into his pocket then, turning and elbowing Iori very lightly in the side. The high schooler flushed slightly, perhaps feeling a little ashamed at the admonishment. _He was right, though,_ Sougo thought. He was right…

He’d caused them so much trouble… and yet still, they were being so kind to him.

Why was that?

“We’ll leave you alone, then. Be sure to get some rest.”

“Ah, yeah… I will…” The others seemed mostly satisfied with that, and Sougo sighed in relief when they finally began to disperse. He wanted so badly to return to his room then and slip under the covers next Tamaki’s warm body… But before he could, Riku came over to tug at Sougo’s sleeve, gaze soft and vulnerable.

Sougo blinked, straightening automatically, trying to look a little more put-together.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Sougo-san,” the younger man said quietly, eyes searching the other’s features—for what, Sougo wasn’t sure.

“I…” Sougo fumbled with his words for a moment, trying to force his usual gentle smile for the younger member. He wasn’t sure if he quite managed it, but he hoped it was better than nothing. “Yeah. Thank you…” Riku had always been rather sensitive… Sougo hoped he hadn’t rattled him too badly.

Riku nodded vaguely. They were alone in the hallway then, and Sougo felt for a moment as if the silence between them stretched a little too long. He swallowed, searching for something else to say to reassure the other, to answer those earnest, worried eyes. He recalled vaguely Riku telling him that he reminded him of his brother. Sougo had no idea what aspect of himself could possibly match up to TRIGGER’s Tenn Kujou, but he wanted to answer those feelings somehow all the same.

“Riku-kun,” he ventured finally. “I’m really okay…”

Riku started a little, and finally released his hold on Sougo’s sleeve. “Oh! No, I know, just…” His brow furrowed. “Just… Don’t hesitate to talk to us if there’s something bothering you, okay?”

His words made Sougo freeze. _Ah…_ They echoed in his skull for a long moment, piercing despite the other’s soft tone, and Sougo could feel his heartrate speed up reflexively. For him to say something like that… Had Riku figured him out? Did he know Sougo was hiding something? Sougo couldn’t tear his eyes away from the other’s gaze. He…

_He wanted to…_

He wanted to take that advice so badly, to tell him that secret that was weighing so heavily on his heart, but he… he couldn’t. Not yet. So he adjusted that smile on his face, swallowed thickly, and summoned another lie;

“Yeah… I will.”

It was a lie, but Sougo hoped that maybe… Maybe there was a chance it could become the truth.

…

For the next several days, Sougo felt as if he was moving through a dream. Work got busier. It was nearing the end of the year, and as their sales increased, so did the number of job offers they received. Despite the theft of their newest song, they’d debuted successfully, and Japan wanted more—they wanted to know more about IDOLiSH7, and more about MEZZO” as well.

Sougo wanted to make their fans happy just as much as the others did. There was only one problem, and that was the fact that despite several long nights of searching, he still hadn’t found another source of blood. He’d wracked his brain trying to think of someone he could contact to ask for assistance, but then he’d realized…

He barely knew any vampires outside of the Ousaka clan. And those he did know had close ties, business partnerships and contracts with his father. Sougo knew he wouldn’t be able to ask any of them for help. Word would get back to his family immediately, and that would only breed more trouble. In the world of vampires, he realized suddenly, outside of his family, he was completely alone.

He… wished so badly then that he could talk to his uncle.

But that wasn’t possible anymore, hadn’t been possible for a long time.

…

So despite the fact that he didn’t want to, despite the way guilt coiled tight in the pit of his stomach, he ended up drinking from Tamaki twice more.

The first time was after a MEZZO” show; Sougo had stumbled just a bit as they were packing up in the dressing room. He’d tried to play it off despite the way the room had spiraled dangerously, but Tamaki had had none of it. He’d produced a small knife from somewhere in his pockets— _he’d been carrying it in case he needed it all this time_ —and rolled his sleeve up without a second thought.

Sougo had caved. He knew he couldn’t endure that pain again…

The second time was a little less spontaneous, Tamaki showing up at Sougo’s door late at night, when the other members were all either asleep or minding their own business. Sougo had let him in after a moment’s hesitation. He could feel the pang of thirst lancing down his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured later, as he bandaged a cut on the other’s arm for the third time. He’d refused to actually bite Tamaki again, opting instead to drink from a small incision. It resulted in far less bruising, though Sougo worried in some dark corner of his mind how those scars would look, thin and neat on the inside of Tamaki’s forearm. The others hadn’t noticed yet; it was chilly, and Tamaki kept finding one way or another to keep his sleeves rolled down. But there’d inevitably come a time when he had to wear short sleeves, and when that happened…

It would be bad. Really bad. And Sougo hated the implications; Tamaki was hurting himself for _his_ sake.

“I don’t want to keep doing this,” he said, even though it sounded so much like a hollow excuse for his actions. Whether he _wanted_ to or not didn’t matter—all that mattered was that he _did._

Tamaki sighed frustratedly, in a way he’d taken to doing so often lately. “Sou-chan, you _have_ to,” he muttered, leaning back with his palm against the bed as he watched Sougo work. His arm was relaxed and pliant in the other idol’s hands. “And I told you already that I’m okay with it. I _want_ you to.”

Those words made Sougo shiver a bit. He stopped what he was doing, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to try to stay calm. It was so hard, though, when Tamaki said things like that so casually. As if it was nothing… He wasn’t sure if Tamaki really understood the implications those words carried, or the impact they had on Sougo’s mental state. How was this so easy for him…?

They hadn’t talked about the fact that they’d had sex since that day. Sougo remembered it all so vividly, but at the same time felt as if it must’ve occurred in a dream, or another life. Occasionally when they were alone together, he thought about bringing it up and confronting the tension between them properly, like he’d promised himself he would. But somehow it just never seemed like the right time, and aside from that he was… He was afraid.

Afraid of what Tamaki really thought about it, how he would react if Sougo tried to make it into something bigger than it was. Neither of them had been in their right minds, he reminded himself. They’d simply gotten caught up in the heat of the moment. It wasn’t surprising for a human willingly sharing their blood with a vampire—a _starving_ vampire, at that—to take a turn in that direction. Sougo remembered reading somewhere that drinking fresh blood was considered a sexual act in some cultures. He could certainly understand why.

He flushed at the memory—Tamaki’s throat pulsing against his teeth. He’d been so _full_ at the time…

“… Sou-chan?”

Sougo tore his eyes open as that voice dragged him back to reality. Swallowing thickly, he resumed wrapping the gauze around Tamaki’s arm. “Please don’t say things like that, Tamaki-kun.” His voice was level and carefully guarded. He didn’t want to show how vulnerable he felt right now.

Tamaki didn’t hide anything, though—he never did. Brow furrowing, he narrowed his eyes and grabbed Sougo’s wrist, holding it still. “Why not?” he demanded, voice just a little too loud for Sougo’s comfort. “If I want you to drink my blood, then you should drink it, Sou-chan. I’m not saying it just to be polite or whatever.”

Sougo flinched a bit, pulling back to give the other a frustrated look. “I know that,” he responded. “But Tamaki-kun, it’s not… healthy for you.”

Tamaki scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Ugh. It just makes me a little tired—it’s not like you’re really hurting me.”

“But I _am—”_

“No! You’re not!” Tamaki raised his voice, enough that Sougo winced, shushing him quietly. He didn’t want the others to hear. They weren’t even aware that Tamaki was in his room, as far as Sougo knew. Tamaki grumbled a little, but lowered the volume when he next spoke; “You’re not hurting me, okay? This is nothing compared to… compared to…”

Sougo waited patiently, watching the way he worried at his soft bottom lip.

“It’s nothing compared to how much you looked like you were hurting before,” the younger finally managed. The frown on his face twisted into something more pained, and those blue eyes bore into Sougo’s, trying hard to make him _understand._ “Sou-chan, don’t you get it?”

_Get what?_

Tamaki let out a deep breath, leaning in to rest his head against Sougo’s shoulder again, like he had on that night. This time, he didn’t feel overheated, but Sougo thought he could feel him shaking just the slightest bit. The older member of MEZZO” stilled, breath catching somewhere in the back of his throat.

When Tamaki went on, his voice was quiet and hesitant like that of a child. “I was… I was really scared,” he whispered. “I thought I was gonna lose you…”

_… Ah._ _So that was it._

His words made Sougo’s heart flutter helplessly. He hadn’t meant… to make Tamaki feel that way. But now that Tamaki had said it, it made such perfect sense.

_He thought I was going to abandon him._

_… But even if I did leave, wouldn’t that be better?_

Sougo bit down hard on the inside of his lip. “Tamaki-kun…” The high schooler was still holding his hand, thumb brushing lightly over Sougo’s soft palm. He didn’t seem to want to let go.

“I thought… I thought I was gonna lose someone important to me again…” Tamaki’s voice trembled dangerously. Sougo wondered if he was going to cry. “I don’t wanna go through that again…” Lifting his head from Sougo’s shoulder, he gave the older man a pleading look. The other’s emotions were so clear in his eyes then—fear, and worry, and what Sougo could only identify as _love._

_Love._

Sougo felt something freezing clench tightly around his heart.

_Don’t get ahead of yourself._ _Who would ever love you?_

_Shut up,_ he whispered to that voice in the back of his mind. _Shut up, shut up, shut up—_

Tamaki gazed at him for a long moment, face mere inches away from Sougo’s own. The tension in the air was palpable then—Sougo hadn’t imagined it. His cheeks heated up a bit as he stared back into those vivid blue eyes, and then it happened—the thing Sougo had been expecting, both dreading and longing for all this time;

Tamaki leaned forward, lips ghosting lightly over his own. “Sou-chan...”

But Sougo pulled away.

He didn’t mean to. He turned his head reflexively, something akin to fear bubbling up in his stomach. Not fear of kissing Tamaki, but fear that things would take the same turn as before. Fear that they’d communicate with their bodies instead of their words, and then go back to pretending nothing ever happened, leaving Sougo to wallow in shame and self-doubt. He didn’t want that.

So he turned his head, and Tamaki’s lips landed awkwardly on the corner of his mouth, soft and unsure of themselves. “Ah—” The younger boy reeled back as if he’d been burned, and when Sougo looked at him, he saw that expression he’d wanted so badly to avoid;

Hurt.

Tamaki looked hurt.

He looked wounded in a way Sougo rarely saw, perhaps even _heartbroken_. _Shit…_ The older half of MEZZO” inhaled sharply, features twisting in immediate regret. _No…_ He didn’t want to make Tamaki feel that way… 

“Tamaki-kun, I—”

Tamaki didn’t let him defend himself though, pulling away with a noise of frustration, putting distance between them. He let go of Sougo’s hand as well, bringing his arms close to his body, shutting himself off. Withdrawing. It was so unlike him, and Sougo hated it. Even though he knew he always did the same thing, being on the receiving end… hurt.

“I really don’t _get_ you, Sou-chan.” Tamaki’s voice was bitter, his eyes flashing with agitation. “You wanted to fuck before, but now you won’t even let me _kiss_ you? What do you want from me, then?”

Sougo flinched at that hostile tone. “Th-That’s not it… I just…” He stopped himself, though, realizing that he… he couldn’t answer the other’s question. What _did_ he want from Tamaki?

 _You already know the answer._ But it wasn’t something he was allowed to have…

Tamaki gave him a half-second to continue, clicking his tongue testily when he didn’t. _There you go,_ Sougo thought to himself bitterly. _Clamming up again because you’re just too afraid…_ “If you just need blood,” Tamaki went on. “Then fine. I’m not gonna let you just shrivel up and die.” He tore his eyes away from Sougo’s, running a hand through his hair in irritation. “But I thought maybe… maybe you wanted more, with the way you were acting.”

Sougo stared at him, lips parting. _More…?_

“Sorry, if I got the wrong idea...”

_More._

That single word made Sougo pause, throwing his thoughts out of order. He suddenly felt as if he was watching all of this happen from far away. Tamaki finally went quiet, eyes flickering back to search his face for a moment, and Sougo recognized vaguely that he was waiting for some sort of response. He didn’t know what response to give, though. What did Tamaki even mean by that? He thought he wanted _more._

More than blood.

More than sex?

More than whatever it was they had between them now…

His mind was racing a mile a minute; he knew he was overthinking this as usual, but he couldn’t stop himself. Surely, he thought… Surely, Tamaki didn’t mean what he thought he meant. He was mistaken… He had to be. But…

…

_He had to just ask._

Finally Sougo swallowed, dryly. “Tamaki-kun,” he ventured, in a voice much more small and vulnerable than he usually allowed. “What do you mean, ‘more’?” Sougo sat with both his hands in his lap then, fingers knit nervously together, violet eyes fixed on the other’s blue. Tense and proper, like he’d been taught. He felt as if he could hardly breathe. He didn’t understand what Tamaki was saying. And he didn’t understand what Tamaki wanted. What _Sougo_ wanted, he thought to himself bitterly, was irrelevant. But what Tamaki wanted was…

Tamaki’s brow slanted inwards. He gripped the bedsheets with one hand, shoulders tense, and looked at Sougo as if he didn’t understand the question. As if it should be obvious. “Hah? I… I don’t know,” he muttered, averting his eyes. Sougo thought he saw the faintest bit of color rise in his cheeks. “I just thought maybe you…” He searched for the right words.

Sougo was hyperaware of the difference in their ages then, the way Tamaki fumbled through this like a child. _His feelings for Tamaki were inappropriate. And besides that, there was no way the other returned them._ That was what Sougo had been telling himself for so long.

“I just thought maybe you… liked me or something.”

Now his understanding of the situation was cracking dangerously.

“A-And I don’t mean just as a friend,” Tamaki went on hastily. His eyes flickered to and Sougo’s face, rapidly, a mixture of embarrassment and frustration playing on his features. _He was so honest…_ “I thought maybe Sou-chan liked me as more than that, and I…”

Sougo swallowed again, trying very hard to keep his breathing even.

“I was happy ‘cause… I really like Sou-chan, too…”

He felt like his chest was going to burst.

“But now I feel like you don’t, ‘cause you’re hardly talking to me, and you won’t let me kiss you, and…” Tamaki took a shaky breath. That flush on his face was brighter than before, but his eyes glittered dangerously; Sougo could hear the frustration in his voice. _Please don’t cry._ “… And I just don’t _get_ it. I don’t understand you, Sou-chan.” He sat up a little straighter, looking off to the side. That injured look was so plain on his features, but then finally he took a breath as if to steel himself and brought his eyes up to meet Sougo’s gaze.

“If you don’t like me,” he muttered. “Then just… just say it.

“I don’t want things to just stay the way they are…”

Which meant that…

 _Tamaki wanted things to change._ Sougo felt as if the walls of that little dorm room were closing in around him. But he didn’t… he didn’t want to tear his eyes away from the other’s. Tamaki deserved better than that. He deserved a proper answer… an _honest_ answer. And Sougo wanted to give it.

So he took a deep breath and forced himself to reply, before that voice in his head had time to stop him, to tell him that it’d be better if he just _kept his mouth shut._

“I… do like you, Tamaki-kun.”

The other’s eyes widened.

“I’ve liked you for a long time.”

Tamaki looked like he wanted to speak, but Sougo pressed on quickly. If he was interrupted now, he knew he’d never be able to muster the courage to explain himself.

“But Tamaki-kun, you… you deserve someone better than me.” He swallowed. “You deserve someone normal. Someone who doesn’t need to drink other people’s blood just to survive, and someone who… whose family wouldn’t hate you just because you’re human.” Sougo’s brow furrowed, his chest tightening with every word that passed his lips. Yes… There were so many reasons that Tamaki shouldn’t be with someone like him… So many reasons things would never work out between them…

_… Weren’t there?_

He didn’t want Tamaki to get hurt. He didn’t want... to hurt Tamaki.

“You deserve someone who can make you happy. If you were with me, then you’d… you’d only face hardship after hardship.” Sougo laughed then—a sick, mirthless noise that bubbled up from the base of his throat. He felt as if he was going to be ill, and when he went on, he couldn’t keep that bitterness from leaking into his voice;

“Speaking frankly, Tamaki-kun, I’m not worth it.”

He dropped his eyes from the other’s, to some unidentifiable point on the bedsheets.

“You shouldn’t bother with someone like me.”

_So don’t… don’t give me that sort of hope. Please…_

Tamaki was silent for a long moment. Sougo couldn’t bring himself to look up and meet that gaze, too afraid of what expression he’d find there. He loved Tamaki… so much. But he didn’t… he didn’t want to be a burden. Tamaki was young. Even if he wasn’t misunderstanding his feelings, even if he really did return even an ounce Sougo’s affection, it… it would be better for him to move on. _Don’t waste time on me._

Taking a deep breath, Sougo finally raised his eyes. “So Tamaki-kun, I—”

He stopped short, eyes widening at the look on the other’s face.

Tamaki was… crying.

He was crying hard, biting his lower lip to keep from making any noise. He couldn’t do anything about the tears running down his cheeks though, and when Sougo’s eyes met his, he sobbed a little—a soft, broken sound. Sougo felt his heart split cleanly in half. He inhaled sharply. “Tamaki-kun…”

“Idiot!” The other interrupted him, loudly. Sougo winced. “You… You’re such an idiot! God, what the fuck are you even _saying?”_ He brought a hand up to rub furiously at his eyes, gritting his teeth. “‘Not worth it’? Stop trying to measure yourself like… like you’re something to be bought and sold!”

Sougo’s brow furrowed. “I’m not—”

“You think I care about any of that stuff?! About your family, or the fact that you’re a vampire?” Tamaki was raising his voice dangerously. Sougo tried desperately to shush him again, but he didn’t listen this time. “I don’t! It’s not something you can do anything about!”

“M-Maybe so, but still—”

“Still nothing! You’re just making excuses!” Tamaki’s voice was brimming with frustration. “I’ll face hardships if I’m with you? So what?! I’ve… I-I faced a bunch of hardships already…!”

Sougo bit his lip. That was true… H-He knew that was true, and that was why he didn’t… “I don’t want to add on anymore—!” Now he was speaking louder too—he couldn’t help it. Why wouldn’t Tamaki just _listen_ to him? “I’m only thinking of what’s best for you, Tamaki-kun, I—”

“Stop looking down on me!” Tamaki grabbed Sougo’s collar, hard enough that the older man flinched. Sougo stared at him with wide eyes, dumbstruck. He didn’t understand. Why was he so angry…? Tamaki went on; “I’m not some little kid you have to take care of! I care about you, and I want _you_ to be happy, so don’t…” He exhaled sharply through his nose, eyes boring into Sougo’s own despite the way those angry tears still threatened to overflow. “Don’t tell me you’re not worth it! Don’t try to make me feel like I’m wrong…!”

He’d gotten so close to Sougo again… Tamaki’s features twisted after a moment, and he bowed his head, knuckles white where they were fisted in the front of Sougo’s shirt. “You _are_ worth it,” he said, voice a little quieter now, a little more strained. “So Sou-chan, stop… stop trying to push me away…” Another sob; Tamaki’s shoulders shook with every breath he took. “You’re worth it to me, and I… I want you to think… that I’m worth it too…”

Sougo felt as if he was going to cry then as well. He hadn’t… he hadn’t cried in so long, but now the tears welled up hotly in his eyes, and he… He took a shaky breath—a gasp, really—and tried to force down the emotion swelling dangerously in his chest. He swallowed. He felt like he was choking. His hands came up to hover awkwardly on either side of Tamaki’s shoulders, but he… he didn’t know… if it was all right for him to comfort the other.

He was the one who’d caused Tamaki all this pain.

And he knew that inevitably, he’d cause him so much more pain in the future.

But despite that, Tamaki really thought that he… that he was worth it. No one had said something like that to him before. Despite learning his secret, learning about the thing he’d tried so desperately to hide and seeing him at his lowest, Tamaki still…

He still wanted this?

He wanted _him?_

Biting down hard on the inside of his lip, Sougo squeezed his eyes shut. His hands finally moved to rest on Tamaki’s shoulders—at first hesitantly, and then with a little more weight. Sougo bowed his head, just enough that his nose brushed against Tamaki’s soft hair. He took a deep breath. “Are you… Are you sure?” The words escaped him before he could stop them. Tamaki stilled for a moment, and then slowly raised his head so he could meet Sougo’s gaze. Those tears had stopped falling for now, but Sougo could still see the tracks they’d left drying on Tamaki’s cheeks. He swallowed, his own eyes flickering guiltily off to the side.

“Are you sure, I’m… I’m really that important to you?”

Tamaki's brow knit together, that anger slowly fading from his eyes. “Sou-chan,” he muttered softly. “Do I really have to say it?”

Sougo’s gaze fluttered back to his, confusion clear on his features, but before he could respond, Tamaki leaned in, pressing his lips so gently against his own. It was soft at first, and hesitant, but when Sougo didn’t pull away, Tamaki ventured to kiss him just a little bit harder. His mouth moved against Sougo’s, and Sougo couldn’t help it then; he returned the kiss with a sigh, trying to ignore the way his chest ached with every beat of his heart.

_It’s okay…_

Tamaki’s hands slid up to touch Sougo’s cheeks, holding his face as if he was handling something precious. Something he didn’t want to break. Something he didn’t want to lose. He broke the kiss after a moment, but kept his hands there as he gazed at the other, breath warm in the air between them. The emotion in his eyes was overwhelming then. Sougo felt as if every barrier he’d tried erect around himself was melting away.

And when Tamaki spoke, he felt his heart melt as well;

“I love you.”

Those three words were enough to drown out everything else, all the doubt that'd been hovering incessantly in his mind.

“Sou-chan, do you love me?”

The answer came to him immediately, loud and clear inside his head. Sougo pressed his lips together. Swallowing thickly, he leaned in so that his forehead bumped lightly against Tamaki’s own. “Yes,” he murmured, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt that lump rise again in his throat. “Yes, I do.” This time he couldn’t hold back; his breath hitched helplessly as those tears finally escaped.

_I love you... more than you could possibly imagine._

Tamaki smiled. “Then that’s all that really matters, yeah?"

...

“Please take care of me, Sou-chan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do a lot more with this chapter, but it was already long enough so I decided to just cut it here.
> 
> Next chapter will involve... telling the others........
> 
> Thanks for reading!! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ


	4. Acceptance and Assistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a nightmare to write, but I think I powered through the toughest parts and accomplished at least some of what I set out to do... Things keep moving slower than I want them to, but hopefully... the plot will speed up a bit from here. TT w TT
> 
> I wasn't really expecting this fic to have an ongoing plot in the first place, and tbh I suck at writing long stuff like this, so please forgive any inconsistencies or plot holes. /sobs But nonetheless...
> 
> Enjoy~! ٩( 'ω' )و

Sunlight filtered in through the café’s sheer curtains, giving the interior a soft, golden glow and warming those seats by the window. Sougo had found this place back in his university days, and he liked it a little more each time he visited. It was quiet—an unobtrusive building tucked away down a narrow side street—and during the springtime, the cherry tree out front bloomed a pretty, delicate pink. It reminded Sougo of their garden back home, and even though he had no desire to return to the Ousaka estate, he enjoyed the nostalgic feeling nonetheless.

Now he’d chosen it for its secluded nature, and for the first time, he hadn’t come alone. Tamaki was perched on the seat across from him, looking just a little out of place in the small, cushioned chair. He didn’t seem to mind, though; he dug into his parfait with his usual gusto, eyes sparkling with every bite.

“This is so good,” he said, voice muffled a little by the cream in his mouth. “Sou-chan you come here all the time?? You shoulda’ brought me before!” He had a slightly betrayed look on his face, like Sougo had been holding out on him. Well, perhaps it was true that he hadn’t wanted to divulge his secret hideout to anyone.

But now Sougo chuckled softly, raising his coffee cup to his lips. “Is it that good? I only really come here for the coffee.” It was a bold blend, one of the only ones bitter enough that Sougo actually liked it. He took a sip and smiled a little, hiding it behind the rim of his cup. “We can come whenever you want now. Well, within reason.”

_Maybe it would even become something of a date spot for them._

Sougo pushed that silly thought aside though, setting his coffee cup back on the table; that wasn’t why they were here today.

“Anyway, Tamaki-kun, I need to talk to you about something important.”

Tamaki blinked at him, pausing with his spoon halfway to his mouth. “Huh?” His brow knit inwards a bit, but he took that bite before answering, before ice cream could drip onto the table. Sougo watched his lips move as he savored the flavor, the bob of his throat as he swallowed. “Is it about…” Tamaki hesitated, glancing around, but thankfully they were almost completely alone here—the only other customer was an old woman seated at the counter. He went on in a hushed tone; “Is it about the vampire thing?”

Sougo’s lips twisted a little at the phrasing. _The vampire thing._ Yes, it was indeed about the vampire thing. He leaned a little closer, forearms resting on the tabletop, hands clasped together. “It is. Tamaki-kun, I know you’re… more than willing to help me when I need blood.” He swallowed, averting his eyes for a moment with a slightly flustered look on his face. “But speaking frankly, it’s… it’s not enough.”

The younger man raised one eyebrow, a bemused look on his face. “Hah?” He almost looked offended.

“Er. That is…” Sougo fumbled for a moment, realizing he’d phrased that quite poorly. “What I mean is, I can’t drink your blood all the time.” His voice was low—almost a whisper. He wasn’t used to talking about this, but he figured he had to… try to explain the ins and outs of his situation to the other. Especially considering the fact that they were… er, involved now. Or something.

He didn’t really know, but Sougo wanted to try to be straightforward. So he’d decided to ask the other for advice. Tamaki waited patiently for a moment before venturing to ask that obvious question; “… Why not?”

Sougo inclined his head a bit, brow furrowing. “Because… Put simply, your body wouldn’t be able to endure it. Vampires need… We need quite a bit of blood to survive. Almost as much food as people need.”  Sougo let out a breath that might’ve been close to a sigh, bringing a hand up to run through white hair. “Tamaki-kun, if I drank that much from you every day, you’d get really sick.”

He’d already drank more than he should’ve in their last couple sessions, and it made Sougo’s chest ache with guilt. Tamaki always said it was fine, but Sougo could see it affecting the other, making him more tired than usual, his movements a half-second slower. He couldn’t… keep doing that. He wouldn’t. The symptoms of anemia would only get worse and worse, and Sougo was still suffering headaches and bouts of dizziness as well. Neither of them would be able to keep this up for long.

Tamaki frowned, taking another bite of his parfait, but then after a moment of thought responded; “Okay… But Sou-chan, do you really have a choice?” He blinked a little, a look of realization coming over him. “Or what, are you gonna drink someone else’s blood, too?” His grip on his spoon tightened, and he sat back in his chair, eyes narrow. “Nuh-uh. I don’t like it.”

Sougo raised one eyebrow. “Uh…” _No,_ he actually wasn’t planning to do that. He couldn’t possibly inconvenience someone else like that—drinking from Tamaki made him feel bad enough, and the other was ready and willing every time. But nonetheless, he couldn’t help but bite at the other’s reaction. “… Why not?”

“Because, I… I just don’t.” Tamaki’s frown deepened, and his gaze shot off to the side, moodily. He looked for a moment then like a petulant child, and it almost made Sougo laugh a little with how adorable the other could be. “I don’t know. I just don’t like it.”

“Even if they were willing to give me their blood?”

“That’s the part I don’t like.”

Sougo blinked, something clicking into place in his head. _Ah._

_It made Tamaki jealous._

Sougo could see that much at least; it was written all over Tamaki’s face. The thought made his stomach flutter a little, a soft blush spreading over his cheeks. He brought a hand up to try to hide it, pressing his knuckles against his mouth for a moment. “I… I see,” he managed, averting his own gaze as well, glancing out the window. For a moment they were both silent, flustered at their tiny, two-person table. _God,_ what were they, schoolgirls? Sougo forced himself to clear his throat.

“W-Well I wasn’t planning to do that anyway, for what it’s worth. I… I don’t think I could…” _Bring myself to drink anybody but Tamaki’s blood._ He swallowed, dropping his hand and looking at the other again. “No, I… I was going to talk to President Takanashi and see if he knew of anywhere I could go.”

Tamaki’s eyes shot back to his, shocked. “Hah? You’re gonna tell him, then?”

“At this point, I don’t think I really have much of a choice…”

The younger man tilted his head to the side a bit before nodding, very vaguely. “Yeah… I guess you’re right…” He trailed off, leaning forward again to take another small bite of his ice cream. For a moment he didn’t say anything, seemingly deep in thought, but then he gave Sougo a curious look, with perhaps a hint of apprehension.

“What about the others?” he asked. “And Manager? Are you… gonna tell them, too?”

Sougo stiffened a little. There it was… The inevitable question. He worried at his lip for a moment before replying; “Do you… think I should?” His voice was hesitant and searching. He really didn’t know the answer. It would be… a big risk to do something like that. Was it one worth taking?

“Of course,” Tamaki answered without missing a beat. Sougo blinked, lips parting at the speed of his response. The younger just shrugged vaguely, as if it should be obvious. “If you ask me, Sou-chan, you keep too many secrets. I don’t think it’s a big deal.”

_Not a big deal…_

Sougo could only stare for a moment before frowning, features twisting into a troubled look. Was Tamaki… was Tamaki being serious right now? “Tamaki-kun, it’s a huge deal…”

But the other’s quick reply caught him off guard again; “Why?” The high schooler pursed his lips, venturing to take another bite of his parfait, mumbling a little around his spoon. “There’s lots of vampires around, right? I don’t think they’ll give you a hard time for it. Besides, it’s not like you can help it.”

Sougo let out a vaguely frustrated sigh. “Have you ever actually met another vampire before?”

Tamaki narrowed his eyes at him again. His voice was a little sharp when he responded; “Hah? What does that have to do with it?”

“I just want to know.”

There was another moment of silence between them. This time it was more awkward, laced with a sense of uneasiness as Tamaki glared at him, slightly irritated. Sougo looked down at his coffee, clutching the cup tightly as he eyed his own reflection.

And then finally, after what felt like ages, Tamaki replied. “Yeah,” he muttered, voice quieter than before, and laced with an emotion Sougo couldn’t quite place. He still sounded annoyed, but… somehow, it was more melancholy than angry. Sougo’s eyes flickered up to the other, but Tamaki wasn’t looking at him; his gaze was directed out the window again, fixed on some indeterminable point in the distance. “Back at the orphanage,” he continued. “There was a girl I used to hang out with, but… I don’t know what happened to her.”

Sougo’s eyes widened a bit, his stomach rolling uncomfortably. _Ah…_ He hadn’t expected that. He tore his eyes away again, back down to his cup. How should he respond? Somehow, it seemed like a sore subject for the other. He swallowed. “Were you… Were you close?” he ventured finally.

There was a sigh from Tamaki. The younger man braced his elbow on the table and his chin on his palm, still refusing to look at Sougo. “Yeah,” he muttered. “We were…” His tone was almost wistful. Sougo wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen Tamaki reflective like this.

“Where did she get blood?” he asked after a moment, still staring at his coffee instead of Tamaki’s face. He wasn’t sure what answer he was expecting, but…

 “From me, sometimes. I dunno other than that.”

… that wasn’t it.

Sougo’s grip tightened on his cup. He could hardly think straight then with the sudden surge of emotions, the image of a young Tamaki letting a girl sink her fangs into his flesh. It wasn’t that he was jealous, as Tamaki had seemed earlier. He couldn’t possibly be jealous of a creature he imagined to be so unfortunate. But the idea that there was someone whom Tamaki had been so close to… It gave him an uneasy feeling, reminded him that there was a lot about the other he still didn’t know.

The face of the woman he’d drank from the night he went hunting with his father flashed suddenly through Sougos’ mind. _“It’s not grade-A work, but I suppose it’ll do.”_ His knuckles went pale around that little porcelain handle.

_Well… That went both ways, now didn’t it?_

Finally the silence had stretched a little too long. Tamaki was the one to break it, sighing through his nose and returning his attention to his nearly finished ice cream. “So like, I get it,” he said quietly. “I know a lot of people don’t like vampires.” He took a small bite, blue eyes finally venturing up to Sougo’s again. “But Sou-chan, I don’t think… our teammates are like that.” _They’re not the type to hate you for something you can’t control._

Sougo pressed his lips together, frowning as he gazed long and hard into Tamaki’s eyes. He wanted to agree with the other—to believe that no one amongst their members would hold that kind of prejudice, but… Taking a deep breath, he just took another sip of that bitter coffee.

_I hope you’re right, Tamaki-kun._

…

The train ride home was more crowded than usual. Sougo held his bag close to his body as he pressed his back up against the car doors, trying desperately to ignore the proximity between him and his partner as Tamaki braced an arm above his head. The younger man was trying his best to keep a few inches open between them, but it grew increasingly difficult at each stop as more and more people piled into the crowded vehicle. Sougo had never been great with crowds; he was ‘bad with skinship’, as Tsumugi had so eloquently put it, and being in close proximity with strangers never failed to set him on edge. As it was, though, he wasn’t sure if he was glad Tamaki was there or not.

Even with their medical masks on to avoid unwanted publicity, Sougo could feel warm air puff against his bangs every time the other breathed. At the same time, the height difference between them unfortunately put Sougo eye-level with Tamaki’s collarbone and the slightly strained muscles there. He swallowed, thickly, eyeing the other’s flesh, the near-faded bruises that peeked out from underneath Tamaki’s t-shirt.

He still hadn’t bitten the other since that night when he’d been starving. The mark he’d left at the base of Tamaki’s neck had faded considerably, but by no means disappeared. The bruising would go away, Sougo knew, but those two silvery scars likely wouldn’t. Closing his eyes, Sougo licked his lips and bowed his head, trying to ignore the burn of thirst that’d started up in his throat.

He ventured to rest his forehead against Tamaki’s chest when the train jostled them both a little. Tamaki blinked and let out a faint hum, and when he spoke, his voice was low against Sougo’s ear. “You okay, Sou-chan?”

Sougo felt his face heat up a bit, and was glad for the masks as he raised his head again to look at the other. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little—”

He was cut off as the train lurched suddenly in one direction. There were a few gasps and annoyed mutters from the surrounding passengers as everyone was jostled, bumping and falling into one another. Tamaki let out small grunt as he was shoved from behind and forced to brace both hands against the door, lest he fall and likely take Sougo down with him.

“Ow,” he muttered, eyes closing in a wince for a moment. “Ugh. This sucks. Sorry, Sou-chan, are you…” He trailed off when he opened his eyes and was suddenly aware of the position they were now in; Sougo pinned up against the door, Tamaki hovering over him, their faces no more than a couple inches apart.

It was a clichéd position, and Sougo wanted the ground to open up and swallow him right there at the suggestiveness of it all. _God,_ what was this, some sort of stereotypical BL manga? He felt heat rush right up to the tips of his ears, though he was glad at least to see Tamaki blush as well, pink creeping out from underneath the edge that black mask. The older of the two clutched his tote bag a little more tightly against his chest, eyes wide. “… Um….”

He didn’t know what to say, though. His thirst hovered like a shadow in the back of his mind still, but now he was more focused on the planes of Tamaki’s face so close to his own, his clear skin and high cheekbones, and the depth of those brilliant, bright blue eyes.

_… Well,_ he thought vaguely. If there was any doubt that he’d been whipped before, there was certainly none now. Sougo felt his face growing hotter by the second, but no matter how he badly wanted to, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the other’s. They were in a crowded train… This was hardly the time to be getting all flustered, but…

Tamaki recovered first. Well, perhaps _recovered_ wasn’t the right word for it; he gulped audibly, eyes skittering away for a second, and let out a nervous, breathy laugh. “S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s all right,” Sougo said quickly, automatically. “I-It’s fine…”

Another wince as Tamaki tried to push back against the crowd. It wasn’t possible, though—the train was simply _packed._ And trying to move his arms would likely only cause them to be pressed closer together, which, Sougo knew, would lead down a _very_ slippery slope. Which meant they were stuck like this for…

“How many more stops?” Tamaki asked to break the silence.

Sougo glanced up at the line map above the opposite doors. “… Five,” he answered.

Tamaki groaned, bowing his head so his bangs brushed lightly against Sougo’s own. “This sucks,” he muttered under his breath. Sougo could only hum vaguely in response, too distracted by how close the other’s face was to his own, the way his long eyelashes cast thin shadows over flushed cheeks. He swallowed, tearing his eyes away for a moment to look around the train car.

Everyone was either turned away from them or bent over their smartphones, Sougo noted. Earbuds in, eyes downcast… Nobody was paying any attention to the two of them, too wrapped up in their own little worlds and trying desperately to ignore all the people around them. Sougo swallowed, tugging his facemask down with one finger, and turned back to Tamaki. A strange feeling rose up in his chest then—a boldness he wasn’t used to, but wanted to act on nonetheless.

“… Tamaki-kun.” He called softly, just loud enough for the other to hear. Tamaki lifted his head to look at him, one eyebrow raised.

Sougo hesitated for only a moment then, cheeks burning, biting down briefly on his soft lower lip. His expression must’ve given him away, because Tamaki blinked at him, clearly confused, and opened his mouth to say something. Sougo pushed forward quickly, before he could lose his nerve entirely, reaching up with both hands to pull Tamaki’s mask down.

Tamaki’s brow furrowed. “Sou-chan…?”

He didn’t get a chance to finish, though.

Craning his neck just a bit, Sougo leaned up to press his lips against the other’s in a soft kiss, silencing him before he could say anything else. It was chaste—almost feather-light, and over too quickly as Sougo pulled away. Purple eyes flashed warily around the train car for a moment to see if someone had noticed them, but… they appeared to be safe. _This time, anyway._ Sougo breathed a small sigh of relief, pulling his mask back up. It was fine, he told himself. He needed to stop overthinking things...

His eyes ventured back to Tamaki’s, and then widened a little at the look on the younger man’s face. Tamaki’s blush had deepened, his brow knit in a sort of conflicted look. He blinked when Sougo’s eyes met his again, mouth opening and closing once as he tried to form a coherent sentence. He looked… taken aback, to say the least. Sougo felt his own cheeks heat up further at the realization that _he_ was the one who’d made Tamaki make an expression like _that._

It was then that Sougo felt as if time took off at a sprint again, as if whatever spell he'd been under had been broken. “S-Sorry,” he stuttered quickly, embarrassment hitting him full-force, that confidence from before shriveling up somewhere inside his chest. “Sorry. Doing something like that suddenly…” He tore his eyes away, down to the floor, one finger still hooked under the edge of his mask, holding it self-consciously. _God,_ he thought vaguely. _What was he_ thinking? He wasn’t really sure what’d possessed him to kiss the other in the middle of a crowded train. _Not very romantic of you._ But there was… there was no way to take it back now. Sougo swallowed thickly, head spinning a little, face positively _ablaze._ He really wasn’t thinking straight these days…

Tamaki’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, soft and flustered under his breath; “Y-You don’t have to apologize,” he muttered. Sougo’s eyes ventured upwards, to where Tamaki’s were flickering embarrassedly to and from his face. “Just, uh…” The other idol hesitated for a moment, searching for whatever words he wanted to say, until finally he went on, voice small and a tiny bit desperate;

“Just… give me some warning next time, will you?”

Sougo stared at him for a moment, chest fluttering helplessly. _Cute,_ he thought before he could stop himself. _God,_ he was cute. It was practically criminal. Taking a deep breath, Sougo hesitated for a moment before reaching up and readjusting the other’s mask on his face, covering up that expression that was reserved for _him,_ and him alone. Tamaki watched him with those intense blue eyes, transparent and honest as always. Sougo could feel the heat of the other’s skin under his fingertips.

“Okay,” he said, voice a little breathy. “I will…” He felt almost giddy then; flustered, and hopeful, and nervous all at once. And as he hovered there for a half-second longer than necessary, palm brushing over the other’s soft cheek, he wondered if Tamaki’s heart was beating as fast as his own.

…

Sougo decided to take Tamaki’s advice. He resolved to tell the others, but he decided he’d do it one by one. He didn’t think he could handle telling them all at once; the pressure would be enormous, and the reaction five times stronger. Tsumugi needed to know as well, he realized, but she was the one he worried about telling the most. Not because he was afraid she’d judge him—Tsumugi was far too kind for that—but because he knew she’d worry. And their manager was already so incredibly busy… Sougo didn’t want to burden her with something like this—not now, when Black or White Music Fantasia was only a few weeks away.

_Only a few weeks away…_

Sougo sighed, setting down the sheet of lyrics he’d been trying to memorize and pinching at the bridge of his nose. It was no good… He’d realized suddenly that he was just reading the same line over and over. His head was spinning with so many thoughts and worries, and he could feel the pressure of a headache mounting in his temples.

He needed blood. It’d been two days since he last fed, but he couldn’t bring himself to go looking for Tamaki when he knew the other was probably tired. They were all so busy lately, and Sougo knew things would only get more hectic from here. Tamaki would need his strength...  _One of them,_ at least, needed to be performing well...

Glancing at the calendar hanging by his door, he took a breath to try to calm down. Things couldn’t keep going on like this… He had to talk to the president. It was Thursday, so… Sougo’s eyes trailed to the weekend, the Saturday he knew he and Tamaki both had off. They had it off, but Otoharu would likely still be in his office. Sougo pressed his lips together a little, stomach rolling nervously at the mere thought of how this conversation could go, but he… he didn’t have a choice.

_Saturday then,_ he decided, and sat up straighter, returning his attention to the sheets of music in front of him. On Saturday, he would talk to the president, and to Banri as well. He wouldn’t run away, he told himself. He wouldn’t… run away.

…

The metal doorknob was cool and smooth under Sougo’s hand as he stood there, hesitating. He wasn’t sure if he could actually do this. He knew that he _had_ to do this, but he… he wasn’t sure if he could. His stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots, and Sougo had a feeling it was a good thing he hadn’t eaten any solid food that day. There was a high chance we would’ve seen it again by now, with the way he felt like he was going to be sick.

He took a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds to try to calm down. It didn’t help.

His own heartbeat was deafening in his ears. And was it just him, or was the hallway starting to get a little dimmer, the walls closing in around him? He tried to take another deep breath, but could only manage a shallow one. Huh.

He had to do this, he reminded himself. He _had_ to. There was no other option. But no matter how many times he tried to tell himself this, he couldn’t help the way his body screamed at him not to, telling him to _run, run, run…_

_Run away like you always do._

_Run away back to your father._

_That’s the most logical course of action, isn’t it?_

_Smother your feelings and just settle for the life he laid out for you._

It made so much sense, but it wasn’t… it wasn’t what he wanted. _He’d told himself that he wouldn’t run away._ It was irrational, but he… he wanted to face this. _He wanted to stay here._ He wanted… to be accepted. So if there was even the slightest chance of that happening—even the slightest glimmer of hope—he wanted to take it, like he’d told himself he would.

He didn’t want to back down. But this was scary— _terrifying,_ even. Sougo couldn’t remember being this terrified since he was a child. He tried to take another breath, grip tightening around the doorknob, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to get a proper lungful of air. _Fuck._ He could _do_ this, he told himself. He _could—_

A hand came to rest on his shoulder, warm and heavy, and Sougo started, air rushing into his lungs like a dam had been broken. His eyes flickered to the side, violet meeting blue, and even with something as small as eye contact, he felt himself relax a bit. It was only a bit, but… that panic was dulled enough that he could _breathe._ “Tamaki-kun…”

“It’ll be okay,” the other told him, voice soft and patient, like he was speaking to someone younger than him. “I’m here, so… try not to worry. Everything will work out… One way or another. Yeah?” He flashed that pure, crooked smile of his, his grip on Sougo’s shoulder tightening. Sougo could feel the warmth of Tamaki’s body so close to his own as he hovered there, reassuringly.

Sougo swallowed, trying hard to believe those words. “Yeah,” he said quietly. Yeah, I know…”

He’d believe in Tamaki, he decided, even if he didn’t believe in himself.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door to Otoharu’s office.

“… Come in!”

The president of Takanashi Productions was seated at his desk as he always was, tapping away at his computer with a rather focused look on his face—one that Sougo felt he didn’t see that often. Banri was there as well, sitting on one of the two little couches reserved for guests, a hand stroking his chin as he looked over some paperwork. There was a pile of documents on the little coffee table in front of him, a sleeping Kinako curled up atop a few loose papers. Sougo wondered vaguely how long they’d both been at it already. It wasn’t even lunchtime yet, and on a Saturday, at that. He felt a flutter of guilt in his stomach. 

“Um,” he started, bringing a hand up to clutch nervously at his left arm. “If now’s not a good time, I can come back later…” But he could feel Tamaki’s eyes boring into the side of his skull. _Yeah…_ He knew leaving now wasn’t really an option.

Both the older men looked up from their work, though, eyes bright and curious. Otoharu stood, and perhaps sensing Sougo’s trepidation, put that small, pleasant smile of his on his face. “Sougo-kun. Tamaki-kun,” he greeted. “No, no. It’s all right. What can I do for you?” He gestured vaguely to the empty couch, coming out from behind his desk. Sougo could see the faintest hint of surprise on his face. Well, perhaps it was strange for him to come knocking when he hadn’t been called…

Banri stood as well, lips curved upwards a bit. “We were thinking of taking a break, anyway.” He stretched once, cat-like. “I’ll go fetch some drinks. Is coffee okay?”

“Ah… Yes,” Sougo answered automatically. “Black is fine.”

“A soda for me.”

Sougo frowned before he could stop himself. “Tamaki-kun, he’s not going to the vending machine—”

There was a laugh from the long-haired man, though. “It’s fine, it’s fine. Then, I’ll be right back.”

Sougo stiffened and bowed automatically as Banri passed them. He knew he didn’t really have to stand on such ceremony with the other, or even Otoharu, for that matter. They seemed to like to keep things friendly and casual at Takanashi Productions, but… Well, old habits died hard, and Sougo was nothing if not polite.

He’d caused them trouble in the past… and he was going to cause them a lot more yet.

He swallowed nervously and slowly straightened. Otoharu was watching him with a patient look, hovering by the sofa Banri had previously occupied. When Sougo’s eyes met his, he smiled and gestured to the one opposite it. “Please, both of you, have a seat.”

Tamaki muttered an affirmative and nudged Sougo with an elbow. The older half of the duo blinked and nodded a little too quickly, coming over to sit where Otoharu indicated, prim and proper. Tamaki plopped down on the couch beside him. He was slouching as usual, but he at least didn’t have his hands in his pockets, and Sougo decided vaguely to consider that a win. On the coffee table, Kinako stirred, and lifted her head to blink blearily at them.

“I wouldn’t expect to see you two here on a Saturday. Don’t you have the day off?” Otoharu sat as well, petting the rabbit-like creature on the desk, keeping his eyes averted from Sougo, perhaps for the idol’s own sake. “Is something troubling you? If there’re any problems with MEZZO”, you know you can bring them up to me or Tsumugi-kun any time.”

His tone was always so kind… Almost fatherly. Sougo laced his fingers together in his lap, squeezing until his knuckles went white. “Um… I-It’s actually something else. Something I, uh… thought I should tell you directly.” He knew that he could’ve gone to their manager about this, but considering how busy the woman was, and how prone to panic she could be, he’d decided the best course of action was to speak with the president first. Despite practicing this conversation several times over with Tamaki though, he still couldn’t help but fumble his words. _Get it together,_ he thought vaguely.

_He could do this…_

“Oh?” Otoharu pulled his hand away from Kinako, earning a small _myuu_ of disappointment. Tamaki quietly leaned forward to gather the rabbit into his arms. “It must be something quite serious, then.” Though that smile was still on his face, Sougo could see the bright red of the president’s eyes as he looked at him. It was a different shade, but… it reminded him of the vampire’s curse all the same. Sougo swallowed, nervously.

“Ah… Yes, I suppose it… it is...” He didn’t know if he should just say it flat-out, or if he should work up to it somehow. Tamaki had vouched for the former, unsurprisingly. Sougo licked his lips. _If only it was that easy…_ He could feel Otoharu’s eyes on him. Tamaki was a quiet presence beside him, his elbow brushing Sougo’s as he gently stroked Kinako’s fur. Sougo could sense that he was trying very hard to stay composed for him, but could feel a bit of tension from the other nonetheless. That was understandable… Tamaki was involved now too, after all.

Taking a deep breath, Sougo closed his eyes for just a moment to try to gather his thoughts. He had to… He had to just come out and say it. Like ripping a band-aid off quickly—he had to be honest. So finally, he opened his mouth and started to speak; “The truth is—”

A knock on the door. Banri let himself in without waiting for a response, a tray of drinks in his hands. “Sorry for the wait,” he chirped, though he’d hardly made them wait at all. “Tamaki-kun, I got you melon soda—I hope that’s fine.”

“Yep, it’s fine.”

Sougo felt himself deflating, like a balloon someone had just punctured. The words he’d been about to say died instantly on his lips, and he swallowed roughly, taking the coffee Banri offered him with a small ‘thank you’. The bitter liquid was burning on his tongue, but somehow, Sougo hardly felt it.

“Sorry if I interrupted anything.” Banri’s tone was easy-going as always as he took a seat next to Otoharu on the couch. Those deep blue eyes of his flickered from MEZZO” to Otoharu then, gauging the air between them. “Oh. Or if this is more of a private matter, I can excuse myself to—”

Sougo found himself replying a little too quickly, cutting the other off though he didn’t intend to; “No!” He met the dark-haired man’s eyes, perhaps a little too forwardly. “No, it’s… It’s okay…” He found himself hesitating again though, searching for the right words. Why… did he want Banri to stay? He wasn’t really sure, but he somehow felt like the other needed to hear this as well…

After a half-second, Tamaki came to his assistance; “It’s probably something Ban-san should know, too…” His eyes were fixed on the two men across from them for a moment, but then he glanced at Sougo, tilting his head in his partner’s direction. “Right, Sou-chan?”

“Er… Yes. Probably…” Sougo’s eyes flickered to Tamaki’s for a second, grateful. His shoulders relaxed perhaps just the slightest bit.

Banri blinked at him, looking a little taken aback. In all honesty, Sougo knew that the other preferred a more hands-off approach to their work. He’d never really spoken with Banri on a one-on-one basis, and he wondered vaguely if he’d perhaps overstepped some boundary. Should he have just let him go…?

After a long moment, though, the older man’s eyes softened a little, a more serious, but no less kind look coming over his face. “All right, then,” he said, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, giving Sougo his full attention. “I’m all ears.”

And he truly seemed like he was. Sougo realized suddenly then that he had both the president and Banri’s full attention, and he stiffened a little, another wave of nervousness washing over him. Those gazes weren’t critical in the least, but Sougo felt as if they were boring through him all the same. Surely… Surely neither of the two would hate him for something like this… He believed this, tentatively, but he also knew that he was about to ask for would put a burden on the agency. He swallowed, roughly, trying to ignore the pounding of his own pulse inside his head.

_Deep breaths,_ he thought. _In… out… In… and out…_

He could do this.

_He wouldn't run away._  

For a long moment, it was silent, both Otoharu and Banri waiting patiently, now highly aware that he was about to say something important. Then Tamaki pressed his arm slightly against Sougo’s own, and the older half of MEZZO” tentatively began;

“The truth is,” he started softly. “I have… a problem.” He paused, gaze fixed on some unidentifiable point on the tabletop, and then slowly, lifting his eyes to look guiltily at Otoharu. “It has to do with something… something I probably should have told you when you first approached me.” He swallowed. “But I… I was too afraid.”

Otoharu’s brow knit inwards just the slightest bit. “You shouldn’t feel afraid to tell us anything, Sougo-kun,” he murmured. “If you do, that means we’re doing a very poor job as your management.”

Sougo winced. Otoharu’s kindness made his chest ache. “No,” he said quickly. “No, please. That’s not it at all. It’s… It’s something I hoped would never become a problem…” He averted his eyes again. “And it shouldn’t have, but…” He trailed off.

_But my father would do anything to force me to come back home._

_He would even do something like this…_

“… but circumstances changed,” Sougo finished, gripping his knees tightly with both hands. “And I’m deeply sorry…” He bowed his head, voice shaking a little. “… but I need your help.” He kept his head bowed, hardly daring to breathe. He hated this… He hated causing trouble like this—he’d wanted to avoid it so badly, but he knew that if he didn’t explain things now, then things would only get worse in the future. So he grit his teeth, and bowed his head even lower; he’d _grovel_ if he had to, even though he knew it wouldn’t make up for this.

He was asking… so much.

Too much.

_“But Sou-chan… You’re worth it.”_

“Please…”

“Sougo-kun…” Banri’s voice was troubled. An uncomfortable atmosphere had fallen over the office now, one of bad news. Otoharu made a small sound, perhaps clearing his throat, and when he spoke, his voice was soft and even;

“What do you need, Sougo-kun?”

Sougo took a deep breath, lifting his head slowly. His gaze ventured upwards, searching, and hesitant, and irrevocably full of guilt. “The truth is… I…” The words caught horribly in his throat. Sougo took a shallow breath, lips parted helplessly for a moment as he tried to force them out.

_Just say it,_ that voice said. _Get it over with._

_You’ve already come this far; there’s no going back now._

_Even if you don’t tell them, they’ll find out one way or another._

_And then you won’t have anywhere to go, will you? So you may as well just get it over with now._

_Stop being such a coward._

_…_

_“… It’s okay.”_

The feeling of Tamaki’s hand, warm and soothing between his shoulder blades, grounded him in a way Sougo hardly thought possible. It was a silent show of support—an affirmation. _“I’m here,”_ that gesture said, and echoed Tamaki’s words from before, what felt like a lifetime ago;

_“I won’t let anyone run you off.”_

Sougo inhaled sharply, and finally forced the words out;

“I’m a vampire,” he said, tearing his eyes away, to stare unseeingly at the floor. “And I… I haven’t been able to get the blood I need recently.” He could hardly hear himself over the rush of blood behind his ears. “And if things go on like this…” Sougo squeezed his eyes shut, bowing his head again. “… then I’m going to have to quit I7 and return home.” Then his father… would win.

_Ha. But is that really a problem for them?_

_They’re not going to want you here anymore, anyway._

_You may as well pack your bags now._

Despite the echo of Tamaki’s voice in his head, despite way he rubbed his hand so soothingly over Sougo’s back, that voice was growing louder, almost deafening. There was silence in the room for a moment after his words—silence from both Banri and Otoharu. Sougo didn’t dare lift his head and meet the others’ eyes, because he knew—he _knew—_ that he’d just said something that would change their feelings towards him forever. He knew that things were different now— _ruined—_ and it was all his fault. _God,_ why did things have to _be_ this way?

He sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to force down the emotions that threatened to worm their way up his throat. “I’m sorry,” he went on quickly, voice on the verge of cracking. “I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I hid this from you, and I’m sorry I… I’m asking for such a thing…”

“Sou-chan,” Tamaki ventured quietly, leaning a little closer to him, hand sliding up to the base of his neck. Kinako let out a despondent _myuu_ in his lap.

“… But I… I really never thought it would come to this. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.” The words tumbled from his mouth, and Sougo couldn’t do anything to stop them. He bit down hard on his lip, felt the prick of his fangs against his own soft flesh. “I’m… I’m sorry.” He wasn’t even sure what he was apologizing for anymore. “… I’m _sorry…”_

“Sougo-kun…”

Otoharu’s voice made Sougo’s eyes snap open, made him inhale sharply. He couldn’t move then, couldn’t so much as look up until finally the president continued, saying something that… that Sougo hadn’t expected to hear.

“Sougo-kun, lift your head.” Otoharu’s voice was low— _always so gentle, like that of a father._ Sougo finally complied after a moment, raising his head slowly, nervously. It took all the courage he had to raise his gaze as well, those purple eyes sliding upwards, hesitant and afraid. Otoharu wasn’t smiling, Sougo noticed vaguely, but he… He didn’t look particularly angry, either. Those thin eyes of his were serious, but his brow was mostly relaxed. Sougo took a deep breath. Otoharu went on;

“You were right that this is a serious matter,” he said, voice level and carefully guarded. He didn’t sound angry, but… he did sound… reprimanding. Sougo bit his lip. “And it is something you should’ve told us… No, something you should’ve told your team earlier.”

Sougo’s eyes fell to the ground again, guiltily. Tamaki’s hand curled around his shoulder, clutching it a little too tight. The younger half of MEZZO” opened his mouth to say something in his partner’s defense then, but Otoharu raised a hand to silence him.

“How long has it been since you started drinking from Tamaki-kun?”

Both idols froze then, eyes going wide. Tamaki brought a hand up to his neck, quickly, covering the spot where Sougo had bitten him, even though he knew the bruise was hidden under his sweatshirt collar. Sougo’s hands curled into fists atop his knees, and he could’ve sworn his body temperature dropped several degrees with the way his blood suddenly felt so cold in his veins. He swallowed, roughly, throat dry. “A… About three weeks,” he managed, voice thin.

Otoharu hummed faintly. “That’s too long. And I would be lying if I said that we hadn’t noticed a drop in both of your performances during that time.”

Sougo closed his eyes. “I’m sorry…”

“I’m not saying it’s your fault.” Here Otoharu’s voice softened just a little bit. Sougo ventured a glance upwards, and his expression had as well; though he still looked displeased, Sougo got the feeling it was… more with the situation, than with Sougo himself. “But Sougo-kun, I need you to explain to me exactly what happened. And we need to make sure it never happens again.”

…

Sougo had been born and raised in Tokyo, and yet despite this, he’d hardly spent much time in many parts of the city. His formative years had been spent in private academies; he’d hardly had a life outside of his education and the strict meetings his father had made him attend once he’d been old enough to sit still and be quiet. It hadn’t been until college that he’d enjoyed a higher degree of freedom, his father leaving him alone for the most part to focus on his studies.

As it was, Sougo hadn’t focused on his studies much at all. Instead, he’d started finally attending those concerts he’d always wanted to, and thrown himself into practicing the guitar his uncle had left him all those years ago. A friend had approached him one evening as he was plucking those strings in the dormitory’s lounge and asked him if he wanted to join his band. Sougo had agreed to without a second thought.

Looking back, he supposed he might’ve already made the unconscious decision to drop out of college at that point—he’d simply been waiting for the right time, that final push. Their band had been small, and not particularly popular, but Sougo remembered that year or so as some of the happiest times in his life. Their gigs had opened a new world to him in Tokyo, and for the first time, Sougo had found himself spending late nights downtown, busking in Shibuya with his bandmates and performing in bars in Okachimachi. It had been… fun. More fun than Sougo could remember ever having up until that point in his life.

Their band had disbanded after a while though, and then Sougo had been scouted by Otoharu not long after. So as it was, he’d hardly been to Shibuya at all since joining IDOLiSH7, outside of an event here and there.

Now as he followed Banri through those narrow, winding streets, he felt for a moment as if he was back in college, as if he was on the way to set up for a gig in one of those shady little venues hardly anyone knew about. The sun was setting low over the city skyline, covering the streets in a hazy, ethereal glow, a mixture of light and darkness. Banri moved quickly and confidently through alleys and around corners, as if he’d tread this path a hundred times before. Sougo wondered vaguely if he had.

“It should be right up here,” the older man said absently, glancing over his shoulder at Sougo, turquoise eyes bright. “You brought all the paperwork, right?”

Sougo blinked and straightened, jogging a little to catch up to the other. “Ah… Yes.” His grip tightened on the strap of his canvas bag, tense and more than a little nervous. He wasn’t entirely sure _why_ he was nervous, though—by all intents and purposes, he ought to have been relieved, and yet… Somehow, this situation all seemed a little surreal; Sougo felt as if he couldn’t be sure it was happening.

Perhaps sensing his trepidation, Banri tilted his head and smiled a little, in that friendly, calming way of his. “You don’t have to be so worried,” he said, pushing the button as they waited at a crossing. “It’s not really a long process. They’ll just ask for some information and medical history and stuff.” He slipped his hands into his pockets, every bit as relaxed as usual as they waited.

Sougo pressed his lips together, trying to take the other’s advice and calm down. “It’s just, to be honest I’ve never… been to a place like this,” he confessed after a moment, awkwardly. “I don’t really know what to expect."

“That’s right, I guess you wouldn’t have had to worry about it since your family’s well off.” Banri hummed faintly, watching the passing traffic with a thoughtful look on his face. “I’d never even heard of the Crimson Cross before. Most vampires I know go to donation centers like this one.” He glanced at Sougo. “Er. Forgive me for asking, but Sougo-kun, have you really never met another vampire outside of your family before?”

The light turned green right when Sougo was about to respond. He paused for a moment, hesitating, before continuing; “Only at business meetings and stuff with my father. They were all… part of ‘high society’, so to speak too, I suppose.” He stuck a little closer to Banri now as they walked. “Have you met a lot, Banri-san? I heard…” He swallowed, glancing down at the ground. “I heard our kind were becoming quite rare…” _On the verge of extinction,_ as his father had put it.

Banri frowned a little, brow knitting together. Sougo could see it, though the other didn’t look at him. “I had a friend back in high school who was a vampire, and I met a few others through him. I found out about places like this through him, too.” He raised a hand to adjust his scarf, shivering slightly as he glanced at Sougo. “I heard once that there’s maybe around 500,000 vampires in Japan, but I’m not really sure. I think since the government doesn’t do any sort of formal census on them, no one really knows.” He smiled again, albeit a little thinly. “It’s not something people really want to tell others either, you know?”

_Ah…_ Sougo bit the inside of his lip. “Yeah… I know.”

They were silent for a moment, until Banri let out a little sigh, placing a hand on Sougo’s shoulder. “I’m glad you told us, though. It’s not something you should ever be ashamed of, okay Sougo-kun?” His voice was calm and encouraging, and when Sougo looked up at him, his expression was, too.

Sougo blinked once, a little taken aback. A strange feeling welled up in his chest then—relief catching up to him, perhaps, as well as a sense of gratitude. Yes, he was… he was thankful. More thankful than he could ever really express, and… and overwhelmingly relieved, as well. Banri’s soft smile made his chest tighten with emotion; never in a million years had he expected to be able to confess his secret to those at Takanashi Productions and be accepted so easily. Not as if it was nothing, but…

_As if he was worth it…_

Sougo swallowed suddenly and ducked his head. Ah… _Shit._ He didn’t want to get all emotional right now. So he took a moment to breathe, and force down that dangerous lump that’d been rising in his throat so often these days. Banri… and the president, as well… They were both so _kind,_ in a way Sougo wasn’t used to. Taking a deep breath, he finally raised his head again and smiled at the other, genuinely, albeit a little hesitantly.

“Right,” he said softly. “Thank you, Banri-san.”

Banri just returned that smile, a knowing look in his eyes. Sougo wanted to say something else then, to continue the conversation. There was still so much he wanted to ask Banri; What was his friend in high school like? Was he still in touch with the other? But before he could, the older man had stopped in front of a large building, looking up with his hands back in his pockets and a slightly nostalgic look on his face.

“We’re here,” he said, and gestured vaguely for Sougo to follow him as he started up those concrete steps. “Come on, let’s get inside before we freeze to death.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will introduce something special about Sougo, and hopefully he'll tell at least one or two of the other I7 members (something I wanted to happen in this chapter but LOL that didn't happen _(:3」∠)_). We'll see.... what I can manage....... TT w TT
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!! ٩( 'ω' )و


	5. Pureblood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need... to stop saying 'next chapter I will do _______!!' because it never....... happens....... OTL
> 
> A-Anyway, no Tamaki in this chapter, sorry. ; w ;
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy nonetheless! ᕕ( ; w ; )ᕗ

The center’s receptionist was a thin, spindly woman with black hair tied up in a messy bun and round glasses perched low on her nose. Sougo thought that she looked a little shrewd when he first saw her, but when she looked up and those dark eyes met his, that impression was done away with entirely. Her eyes widened, her lips parting, and Sougo could only stand there and blink for a moment at the sheer look of shock on her features.

He swallowed, nervously. “Um… I’m here to see about your donation system… If I can…” His voice trailed off weakly as the woman continued to stare, hands hovering over the keyboard, unmoving. _Why was she looking at him like that? Did he have something on his face?_

As it was, the answer came mere seconds later, and was perhaps obvious enough that Sougo should’ve realized it. “Sougo… Ousaka?” The woman’s voice was laced with disbelief and something close to wonder. Sougo stiffened immediately, eyes going round and anxious. She knew him? Did she know his family then, or…?

His thoughts were cut short when the woman went on; “IDOLiSH7’s Sougo-kun?” Her voice grew just a little louder then, a little more excited. Sougo’s brow furrowed for a moment in confusion before finally it dawned on him;

_Ah._

_She was a fan._

She was a fan, and a big enough one that she recognized him right away, despite the fake glasses he’d taken to wearing when he was out. There was a flutter of happiness in Sougo’s stomach then; he couldn’t help it—to think that there were people out there _supporting_ him… But it was followed closely by anxiety of a different kind, an understanding of the magnitude of the situation. _She recognized him._ She recognized him, and she knew he’d come here, and if she told anyone, then…

Sougo took a shallow breath then, trying to keep panic from setting in. “Um,” he managed. “That’s right, but…” He didn’t get a chance to finish though, starting a little when the girl suddenly stood. Her red lips stretched into a wide smile, her eyes practically _sparkling_ as she leaned a little closer to him over the counter.

“Oh my god,” she said, voice a little too loud and excited for Sougo’s comfort. “God, I am _such_ a big fan! I can’t believe it’s really you…”

Sougo forced himself to smile and give an awkward sort of laugh. He could feel his heart hammering away in his chest. “Th-Thank you,” he said, voice low as his eyes darted nervously around the little lobby. There didn’t seem to be anyone else here though, thankfully. _Did they not get a lot of people coming and going?_ He looked at the woman again, at her lit-up face, and tried to relax. _Calm down. It’ll be fine…_ He was going to have to get used to the fact that this sort of situation could arise at any time.

The woman went on, talking a little too quickly in that excited way fans had; “I love IDOLiSH7, and MEZZO”, too! I went to a bunch of your lives recently! But…” She paused for a moment then, blinking at Sougo and glancing at Banri for the first time. “But… What is IDOLiSH7’s Sougo-kun doing in a place like this?”

The question was innocent enough, but set Sougo on edge nonetheless. Thankfully, Banri stepped in to assist him, offering a perfect, professional smile. “We’re here for the same reason anyone would come here,” he said, voice carefully even. “And forgive me, but I have to ask you to keep the fact that we came here confidential.” His eyes were sharp and serious as he said this, the arm he rested on the reception counter just a little bit tense. Sougo bit down on the inside of his lip.

 _Please,_ he thought then, vaguely. _Please don’t let this get out to the press…_

The woman stared at him for a moment with a slightly confused look on her face; Sougo could practically see the gears turning in her head until finally something clicked into place, and she straightened, mouth forming a shocked little _oh._ “You mean…” Her eyes drifted back to Sougo as she fumbled for a moment with her words. “Oh... Oh wow. I didn’t expect that. Sougo-kun, you’re a vampire?”

Hearing it so casually, and from a _fan_ no less, made Sougo’s stomach flip uncomfortably. He hesitated for a moment before responding, clutching the strap of his bag tight. Finally he managed another of his idol smiles, though it was clipped and wary. “Yes,” he said quietly, and bowed his head just the slightest bit in a bow, imploring. “Please don’t tell anyone, though. We want to keep it under wraps…”

The receptionist waved her hand a little bit, reassuringly. “Oh my god, no. I won’t, I swear.” She smiled at him when Sougo lifted his head again, eyes bright and earnest. “We have a strict privacy policy, but…” Biting her lip, she hesitated for a half-second, and Sougo blinked when he noticed the faintest blush spread across her cheeks.

“But, Sougo-kun, if you don’t mind… could I get your autograph?”

Sougo stared at her for a moment, a little taken aback. IDOLiSH7 had certainly been getting more popular lately, and it wasn’t as if Sougo hadn’t run into gaggles of fangirls before, but… Well, he never really got used to it. Finally, he let out a breath to try to relax, and allowed his smile stretch a little wider. “Sure,” he said. “Um, on the way out…”

He wasn’t entirely sure if he could trust this woman’s words, her promise to keep his secret, but… _All he could do was believe her._

“Oh my god, thank you!” The woman grinned again, teeth flashing, and Sougo’s eyes widened then, his breath catching somewhere in his throat.

_She had fangs._

Unfiled fangs, sharp, and bone-white, and nearly two centimeters long. The fact made Sougo’s mind go blank for a second as he tried to comprehend what that meant.

The woman in front of him was a vampire. And she didn’t try to hide it. The first vampire he’d encountered since leaving the Ousaka estate, at that… Sougo opened his mouth after a moment to say something, but he wasn’t sure what. What was he even supposed to say? He shouldn’t have been surprised, in a place like this, but… still…

The woman started suddenly then, and blinked as if she’d just remembered where she was. Sougo was pulled back to reality too, inhaling sharply as the woman plopped back down in her chair. “Oh, right! Sorry! Um, you said you were here for blood services?” She clicked away at her keyboard briefly, eyes fluttering over the screen before she glanced at Sougo again, a little flusteredly. “Did you bring the necessary paperwork?”

“Ah…” Sougo swallowed, trying to push that shock to the back of his mind and act natural. He couldn’t keep himself from staring a bit, though, gaze hovering over the woman’s mouth. “Um, yes…” He nodded dazedly, adjusting his bag so he could pull the clearfile containing his documents out. He handed it over with a small, _“Here you go,”_ and the woman smiled brightly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she glanced over it.

“Then, it’ll take me just a bit to go over it.” She gestured to a set of doors at one end of the lobby. “The waiting room is through there. I’ll call you when I’m done, so please, go ahead and have a seat.”

…

“That was a little nerve-wracking, huh?” Banri sighed faintly as he sat down in one of the waiting room chairs, crossing his legs and loosening the scarf around his neck a bit. When he looked at Sougo though, there was no irritation on his face; only that gentle smile from before. “Don’t worry about it too much though, Sougo-kun.” He tilted his head vaguely towards the seat next to him. “We’ll make sure the press doesn’t get ahold of all this. It should be fine.”

Sougo didn’t sit immediately though, hovering for a moment and worrying at his lower lip. “I’m sorry for causing trouble,” he mumbled before he could stop himself, and bowed a little. “I really owe you guys a lot…” _Especially Banri-san,_ he thought to himself, eyeing the other’s soft features as he lifted his head again, hesitantly. He’d never really spent time one-on-one with the other manager before, and the more he did, the more Banri seemed like… what he imagined an older brother to be like. He had a fleeting thought then, wondering vaguely how his life would’ve been different if he hadn’t been an only child.

_It would’ve been nice… to have someone he could rely on._

As it was, the only person he’d considered such growing up had passed away years ago. Sougo pressed his lips together just a bit.

When Banri spoke, his voice was softer than before—reassuring. “Hey now. It’s not something you need to keep apologizing for.” He patted the seat beside him, again prompting Sougo to take it. The younger man finally did, albeit a little stiffly.

They weren’t entirely alone in the waiting room. There was an elderly man hovering near the fish tank on the opposite wall, watching the silvery creatures dart around with a peaceful look on his face. Sougo wondered if he was a vampire too when he looked at him, wondered if so, what his life must’ve been like up to this point. What was life even like for vampires outside of clans like his? Sougo couldn’t imagine.

Recalling their conversation from earlier, Sougo glanced at Banri with a bit of curiosity, and ventured to ask that question that’d been on his mind; “Banri-san, your friend from high school…” Sougo’s eyes flitted away, to some random spot on the floor. “If you don’t mind me asking, what was he like?”

“Hm?” Banri tilted his head to the side, thoughtfully. It took him a moment to answer; when Sougo looked at him again, there was an almost wistful look on his face, more pensive than Sougo was used to seeing on the other. Banri let out a breath and smiled, absently.

“He was someone who always moved at his own pace,” he said quietly. “Someone who didn’t let anyone else weigh him down. If you caused trouble for him, he’d throw you away without a second thought.” He laughed a little. “He was kind of a jerk, looking back.” Uncrossing his legs, he sat up a little straighter. “He loved music, though. More than anything else in life.”

Sougo’s brow slanted inwards a bit. He wasn’t sure what to make of that description. “… Were you two close?” he ventured finally.

A faint hum. “Yeah. You could say that.” Banri looked at Sougo then, turquoise eyes bright and glinting. “You’ll probably meet him someday. Someday soon.”

“Eh?” Sougo blinked at him, curiously. He’d meet him soon? “What… makes you say that?” he asked, a little hesitantly.

Banri only chuckled again and shook his head. “Well, you’ll see. I can’t say too much about it, sorry.”

Sougo deflated a little. “Ah… That’s okay.” His curiosity still burned inside him, but he wouldn’t press the other for answers he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—give. Somehow, he… didn’t really think it was his place. Surely, Banri had his reasons for not going into detail…

The older man let out a puff of air then, smile twisting a little. “It’s not something for you to worry about. When you meet him though, just… don’t tell him about me, all right? Things are… complicated between us.”

Sougo raised an eyebrow at that. _Just what sort of relationship did they have?_ He didn’t entirely understand what was going on, but he agreed nonetheless—it was the least he could do. “A-All right.” A hesitant sort of smile. “I won’t.” It wasn’t his place, but… he felt then as if he’d grown a little closer to the other. Banri’s lips quirked upwards; he almost looked vaguely… amused.

“Ha… Somehow, I feel like I’ve got a little brother,” he said quietly.

Sougo’s lips parted a little. _Ah…_

Banri did something he never expected then, something no one had ever done to him before. He reached out with one hand, and at first Sougo expected him to pat his shoulder again, that familiar gesture from before. Time seemed to slow down though, when that hand bypassed his shoulder entirely and moved instead to…

… ruffle his hair.

His touch was gentle, and feather-light. Almost… tender. Sougo couldn’t quite comprehend what had just happened then. He stared at Banri with a sort of dumbfounded expression, violet eyes wide. Had he… really just done that?

Banri didn’t seem to think anything of it, though. He just arched an eyebrow slightly and tilted his head in response to Sougo’s shock, slipping that hand casually back into his pocket, as if he hadn’t done anything in the first place. “Sorry,” he said, though he didn’t sound sorry in the least. “Is that weird?”

Sougo blinked once, twice. As if coming out of a dream, he focused on the other again and fumbled to form a response. “Uh. N-no, it’s not. It’s just…” He hesitated, searching for the right words to explain how that… how that gesture, and those few simple words made him feel. _How did they make him feel?_

_…_

_Like he belonged._

Sougo swallowed then, thickly, to push back the wave of emotions that was washing over him. “It’s not,” he said again, this time more confidently. “I’m just… Uh…” Sougo felt his cheeks heat up a little. This embarrassment was different from the one he felt around Tamaki sometimes— _very different—_ but it was embarrassment, nonetheless. Eventually, he continued; “I’m… happy…” His purple eyes flickered to and from the other’s face for a moment, and then he laughed the slightest bit, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. “It makes me happy that you think that way,” he managed, finally getting his thoughts in order somewhat. “Thank you, Banri-san.”

_Thank you… for everything._

Banri just gazed at him for a moment, that knowing smile of his playing on his lips. Sougo had the strangest feeling then that he knew how much his words had affected him, but… if he did, he didn’t say anything, opting instead to glance away, giving him a bit of space. “It’s nothing,” he said, even though, in truth, it meant _so much._ Sougo swallowed again.

And then perhaps to break the tension, Banri stretched a little, and fixed Sougo with a slightly silly, lopsided grin. “You can call me _onii-san_ if you want.” His tone was joking, but Sougo felt his stomach flip with embarrassment nonetheless.

His lips twisted into a smile of their own volition. “Ah… I’ll refrain,” he said automatically.

“Ha!” Banri laughed, this time properly, his voice echoing slightly in the waiting room. “Yeah… That’s fine.”

…

When the receptionist finally called him up to the counter again, Sougo was a little alarmed by the look on her face. Her eyes were still wide and glimmering a little with wonder, but this time it was… different. There was something else there as well—something, more than just the typical admiration of a fangirl. She almost looked… apprehensive? Unsettled? Sougo wasn’t entirely sure; all he knew was that he didn’t like it.

His brow furrowed a bit as he walked over to the counter. “Is something wrong?” he asked, nervousness evident in his voice. The girl stiffened a little, but quickly shook her head.

“No!” she said quickly. “No, no, it’s… it’s all fine…” She bit her lip for a moment though, eyes flickering warily over his features, and Sougo tilted his head to the side, perplexed. _That wasn’t particularly convincing…_ He waited patiently for her to continue, fidgeting nervously with the hem of his sleeves. Finally, just when he was about to say something else to break the tense silence, the girl spoke up again, hesitantly;

“Sougo-kun… Ah.” Those dark eyes flitted away, almost ashamedly. “I-I mean… Ousaka-san…” The amendment made Sougo’s brow furrow further. Had he done something to make her uncomfortable with him? She swallowed and went on; “I just… couldn’t help but notice, but… Sougo-kun, you’re a pureblood?”

_A pureblood?_

Her words hung in the air awkwardly for a moment. Sougo glanced over the edge of the reception counter, at the document she was clutching a little too tightly. _His family registry._ “Um…” He cleared his throat a bit. “What?” He didn’t… He didn’t know what that meant. What was she referring to?

The receptionist stared at him for a moment, taken aback. “Th-That is to say…” She tore her eyes away again, tracing a line of text on his paperwork with one manicured nail. “Both your parents… And from what I can see here, all of your other relatives…”  She looked up at Sougo again, and the idol shivered a bit, uneasily. “They’re all vampires. There’re… no humans in your family.”

Sougo inclined his head a bit. “So…”

“That’s what it means to be a pureblood,” the woman clarified, her brow knitting inwards. “You didn’t realize?”

Sougo rubbed the back of his neck, glancing at Banri, at a loss. The manager only raised one eyebrow at him, though—apparently, his knowledge of vampires didn’t extend this far. So Sougo looked to the girl again, confusion evident on his face.

“Is… Is that odd?” he ventured to ask, feeling a little stupid. He had never really thought about it before, but she was right. His father, and his parents before him… They’d all married other vampires—prim and proper arranged marriages, usually with others from established wealthy families. His father had wished for Sougo to do the same, as well, but… Well, it’d simply been another nail in the coffin of their relationship.

It took the receptionist a moment to reply, her mouth opening and closing several times as she tried to think of how to explain the significance of this. “It… It is,” she managed finally. “There aren’t very many vampires left, you know? We’ve been interbreeding with humans since a long time ago, it’s…” She looked back at his paperwork, exhaling with that shock again. “It’s actually incredible. For you to come from a line like this…”

Banri stepped forward then, giving the woman a pointed, professional smile. “Does Sougo-kun’s… unique heritage have some impact on his eligibility for donation services, then?”

The receptionist withered a little bit. “Well, no, it’s just…” Her eyes flickered between Banri and Sougo for a moment before finally settling on the latter. There was a burning curiosity in her gaze then, and when she asked the question that next passed her lips, she looked a little guilty, as if she just couldn’t help herself;

“Sougo-kun, if your vampire blood is this strong, then does that mean… you can…” She hesitated, searching for the right words. “Does that mean you can… you know… Do you have some sort of special power?”

Sougo stared at her. “… Excuse me?” It sounded so ridiculous when she asked it like that. _Some sort of special power?_ This wasn’t some fantasy they were living in. For a moment then, Sougo almost laughed it off, because _really,_ the way she said it… She couldn’t possibly be talking about…

Then he stopped short though, lips parting in realization.

Ah.

He _did._

He’d hardly even thought about it as something so unique when he was living back home, but… he realized dimly then that it _was._ It was something… more than unique. Something that he… that his uncle had recognized for what it was; a _gift._

Of course. How could he have forgotten?

It was the whole reason he’d wanted to become an idol in the first place.

_To help people._

…

Sougo had never thought that he had a particularly beautiful voice.

Well, it wasn’t that he thought himself a _bad_ singer. No, he knew, on a rational level, that he was actually quite good—if he hadn’t had at least that much self-confidence, he never would’ve had the courage to go against his father’s wishes and pursue being an idol. But compared to someone like Tamaki or Riku, Sougo thought himself an average singer at best.

There was something else about his voice though, aside from his natural singing ability, that Sougo couldn’t help but think valuable, and couldn’t help but want to share. A skill—no, a _gift_ that his uncle had recognized when he was young and nurtured for as long as he could. His uncle had shared this gift, and his father still did. But unlike Sougo and his uncle, his father used it in a different way—the Ousaka clan’s particular power, the ability to make others _feel._

When Sougo thought of how to describe his ability, he thought that the word _empath_ didn’t quite fit. He didn’t have any particular gift for reading others’ emotions, outside of his natural sensitivity to making others worry. What he did have was the ability to _influence._

To cheer people up, or calm them down.

To help them muster their courage, or to destroy their willpower entirely.

Sougo wasn’t sure how deeply he could affect people, or how many he could influence at once, but he knew that his power was real, and that it was significant. He’d used it inadvertently when he was younger, and he’d seen his father utilize it in his work to get others to do what he wanted. Like an alpha barking orders to its subordinates, his father was hardly ever disobeyed.

It didn’t work on other members of the Ousaka clan, though—something that no doubt irked Sougo’s father to no end. As for Sougo, and his uncle as well, they’d chosen to use their gift differently, to hone its potential as a positive force in the world.

It was under his uncle’s guidance that Sougo had learned how to channel his power through song. And under his guidance that he’d developed another ability, or perhaps simply taken the next step in the Ousaka clan’s evolution.

He’d developed the power to _heal._

…

He recalled that day vividly—a time when he was around eight years old, when his uncle nearly sliced his finger off preparing him dinner. It was a Friday, Sougo remembered; a weekend he was spending at his uncle’s apartment, before his father forbade such acts and cut his uncle off completely from the family.

Sougo heard the muffled shout from the other room and rushed to the kitchen to investigate, as fast as his little eight-year-old legs could carry him. And there was Satoshi, bent over the sink, clutching his left hand tightly with a towel that was quickly turning red. His soft brown eyes flickered up to look at Sougo when the boy stopped in the doorway, and he tried for a reassuring smile, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Ah… I’m all right!” His voice was a little too panicked, and he spoke a little too quickly. Sougo’s eyes widened as they drifted from the drops of blood on the countertop to the soaked rag in his uncle’s hands, fear coiling tightly in his stomach.

“… Uncle,” he breathed, and rushed to his side, small hand clutching the edge of the sink. He’d never been particularly squeamish about blood, even as a child. Well, perhaps that was normal for a vampire, but then, seeing his _uncle’s_ blood was another matter entirely. Sougo’s stomach churned dangerously when Satoshi ventured to peel the rag away, revealing the deep cut between his thumb and left index finger. He gasped, and Satoshi hissed in pain.

“You’re bleeding a lot,” Sougo said worriedly. “Should I call someone? Do you need a doctor?” His voice wavered as he forced himself to tear his eyes away from the cut and look back up at his uncle’s pained expression.

It took Satoshi a moment to reply. He was trying to keep his cool for his nephew, no doubt, but Sougo could see the pain in his eyes and paleness of his face. It was a serious injury. “I’m not sure,” he confessed finally, voice strained, and then gave a nervous, mirthless sort of laugh. “Maybe we had better call someone…” Blood was beginning to drip from the corner of the rag to the metal basin of the sink.

Sougo had a thought then—a realization that made his eyes widen and his blood run cold in his veins. His knuckles went pale against the edge of the sink, and he couldn’t help the way his face screwed up in distress. “Uncle…” A tremor made its way into his voice, and he could feel a lump forming in his throat. _Don’t cry,_ he told himself then. _Don’t cry. You shouldn’t cry—you’re not even the one hurt. But…_

He sniffed, and tried to swallow that lump with little success. “U-Uncle, will you be able to play guitar…?”

That sentence made Satoshi freeze, eyes darting up to meet Sougo’s nervously. Sougo caught a glimpse of his own worry reflected in those eyes then and knew that his uncle was thinking the same thing. The man inhaled sharply though, and tried his best to wipe that concern off his face.

“Of course I will,” he said quickly, too quickly. Sougo knew he wasn’t nearly as confident as he was trying to seem. “I’ll be fine, just…” He swallowed, looking back down at his hand and leaning a little against the edge of the sink. “We probably should call the doctor… Bring me my phone, will you, Sougo?”

Sougo quickly did as he was told, socks slipping a bit on the kitchen flooring. All the while though, he could feel his throat growing a little tighter, and his eyes burning a little more. _Don’t cry._ Even at that age, he’d been trained so carefully to keep his emotions in check by his father, but… Images of his uncle with his guitar nestled in his lap, or slung over his shoulder at one of his band’s concerts… Sougo couldn’t get them out of his head, couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of him losing that ability. Perhaps he was overreacting, perhaps Satoshi really would be fine—he _had_ to be fine—but… but what if he wasn’t?

By the time he’d located his uncle’s phone and brought it to him, Sougo was sniffling and fighting back tears. Satoshi’s gaze practically _melted_ when he saw this, his features instantly morphing into one of guilt. “Hey now,” he said, in that soft tone he used whenever he was trying to cheer Sougo up. “Don’t cry. I’ll be all right…” He tried for another smile, reaching out to pat Sougo’s head once before taking the phone from him with his one good hand.

Sougo could only nod a little, swallowing roughly, small hands twisting in the hem of his sweatshirt. Satoshi was usually so good at reassuring people—even _without_ the use of his ability, he was positively _charming_ —but it didn’t quite work this time, couldn’t quite erase the worry and fear from Sougo’s mind.

As his uncle called a doctor and spoke to him in a hushed tone on the phone, Sougo couldn’t keep those tears from finally overflowing. He hiccupped softly, and eventually reached out to clutch his uncle’s sleeve with both hands, staring down at his injury once again.

Looking back, Sougo wasn’t sure what exactly came over him then—or what exactly spurred him to do what he did next. He knew that he couldn’t influence his uncle’s emotions, as much as he wanted to sing a soft melody to help him calm down, even just a little bit. He knew this, knew that there was nothing he could do for the other in this situation, but… still, on some sort of instinct, he found himself humming, softly, shakily.

It wasn’t a pleasant humming, but rather a small, melancholy noise, nearly inaudible. Sougo moved without thinking, reaching down to brush his fingers ever-so-lightly over his uncle’s wrist, the towel covering that awful gash. He recalled that Satoshi paused his conversation with the doctor then, pulling the phone away from his ear to shoot Sougo an anxious look.

“Sougo, don’t…”

Whatever he was about to say then though, it never made it past his lips. He trailed off, lips parting a little as Sougo began to sing, voice shivering as he tried to fight back those soft sobs. It was one of Satoshi’s songs, as it always was. Words that were so familiar, but sounded so different coming from the young vampire’s lips.

Satoshi’s brow furrowed a little. “What are you doing…?”

Sougo didn’t know the answer, though. He only knew that there was something inside him, some instinct that told him to _sing,_ and to channel his power through his voice, and his fingertips, into that bloody wound. So he did; he sang quietly, but earnestly, brow furrowing a little in concentration as he tried to muster that energy within himself that he knew he had to give.

“Sougo… Sougo, what are you trying to do?”

His uncle was speaking to him, Sougo registered vaguely. His voice had dropped into a more serious tone, one that held a bit of wonder, but was most heavy with concern. But though he heard the words, Sougo couldn’t quite comprehend them; he was too focused on sharing his own energy, on pushing it out of himself and into the other, because he didn’t know how, but he _knew,_ knew that if he just focused and tried hard enough, pictured that flesh knitting back together, he could…

“Sougo? Sougo!”

He could fix this…

“Sougo, stop it!”

Sougo gasped as his uncle pulled his arm out of his grasp, exhaustion unlike any he’d ever felt before crashing over him in a wave, threatening to pull him down and crush him completely. His knees buckled then, but Satoshi caught him with a grunt before he could hit the ground. There was a clatter as he dropped his phone, and the muffled sound of a question from the man on the other end.

“Ah…” Satoshi knelt, fumbling to get an arm properly around Sougo’s shoulders before reaching to pick up the device. “Yeah, Dr. Miyamoto? It’s fine, actually, I… I don’t think it’s as bad as I thought, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for bothering you.” He said the words quickly and then hung up, before the doctor could question him further. Then putting the phone back on the counter, he turned to focus on Sougo, brow furrowed, eyes dark with concern.

“Are you all right? Sougo? Can you hear me?” Satoshi’s voice was edged with concern as he ducked his head to be more at eye-level with his nephew, trying to get a good look at Sougo’s face under his long, white bangs.

Sougo couldn’t muster a reply right away. He blinked several times, until finally he was able to focus properly on his uncle’s worried features. Was he all right? He didn’t know. He felt like he’d just run a mile at full sprint, light-headed and breathing hard through his mouth. What had he been doing just now? He pressed his lips together and ducked his head, rubbing blearily at his eyes.

“Mm… I dunno,” he confessed finally, and clutched at the front of Satoshi’s shirt, leaning into him a bit. “’M… really tired…”

There was a faint noise of concern from the other, the slightest hitch of his breath. Satoshi didn’t hesitate then to pick Sougo up, hoisting the young boy up against his chest so he could lay his head against his shoulder. There was still blood on his hand from the cut, and now there was some on the back of Sougo’s sweatshirt as well, but that would have to be taken care of later… For now, Satoshi just grabbed a clean towel from the drawer, dampening it with some cool water before carrying his nephew into the living room.

He set the young boy down on the couch and pulled back, brown eyes catching Sougo’s purple and holding his gaze for a long moment. Finally, after a long moment of silence, he ventured to speak, reaching up to wipe a bit of the sweat from Sougo’s forehead as he did so. Sougo hadn’t even realized his was sweating. When had he started? He was shuddering and he couldn’t quite manage to stop.

“… What did you just do?” Satoshi’s voice was quiet and level—not angry in the slightest, but laced with an edge of worry that made Sougo a little uneasy.

“… I don’t know,” the boy answered, and swallowed, blinking sluggishly as Satoshi dabbed at his face. “I just… had a feeling I should use my voice… like you taught me…”

Satoshi’s brow furrowed. “I never taught you to do _that,”_ he pointed out. “Did Soushi teach you?”

“Mm-mm.” Sougo shook his head. “Father never uses his voice like you and me. I just…” He hesitated. He didn’t know how to explain it… The way that something inside him had just told him what to do. “I just thought that if I tried it, I could heal you. Uncle, your hand…” Those violet eyes drifted down to search for that injury as he trailed off.

Satoshi raised his hand for the boy to see, wiping away some of the dried blood there. Doing so revealed nothing but smooth skin and a faint, pinkish scar stretching from that fold where his thumb met the rest of his hand. Sougo blinked at that mark, lips parting a bit wonder.

_It really worked…_

_He’d healed him._

He found himself smiling a little then, in that slight way children have when they’re looking for praise. When he glanced up at Satoshi again though, that smile faded a bit. It wasn’t that his uncle looked angry… No, not at all, but… There was a vaguely strained look on his face, a seriousness Sougo couldn’t quite place. Whatever it was, he didn’t look happy.

Sougo withered a bit, and noticing this, Satoshi let out a little breath, laying a hand on his shoulder reassuringly. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Sougo,” he said quietly, and smiled, albeit thinly. “But… It seems you have… another gift. One that I don’t have, and I don’t think your father does, either…”

Sougo eyes were round as he looked up at his uncle’s serious expression. “Healing people…?” he ventured to ask.

Satoshi hummed. “Yes. But Sougo, I don’t want you to use this power of yours again.”

His words made Sougo stiffen a little, brow knitting. “… Why not?”

Satoshi had to take a moment to formulate a response, eyes drifting off to the side. He moved himself to kneel a little more comfortably in front of Sougo on the couch, bringing a hand up to touch his chin in thought. “Because, I think… I think what you just did was give me a bit of your life force,” he said finally. “I’m not entirely sure, but…” He looked back at Sougo, hesitating for a moment before rearranging his thoughts and proceeding;

“Sougo, you’re special. You always have been, and this just further proves that. But I think using this ability… could end up hurting you.”

Sougo tilted his head to the side a little, trying to follow his uncle’s line of thought and understand. _Could end up hurting me…?_ Well, it was true that he felt exhausted right now. He was still shaking a little, and he wanted nothing more than to just lie down and take a very long nap. _Is that what he means…?_

“You feel sick right now, right?” Satoshi echoed his thoughts as if he could read them.

Sougo nodded. “Mm-hm. A little.”

“And that’s just from healing a little cut like this. So imagine if you tried to heal a bigger injury…”

The thought made Sougo frown. He shook his head, fingers curling around the edge of the couch where he sat. “I don’t think I could,” he confessed. “I’m not even sure how I did it in the first place…”

Another hum from Satoshi. He laced his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees. “And I think that’s fine. You don’t need to know how. Well, I don’t even know if I could teach you, for that matter…” He sighed very faintly. “I’ll keep teaching you emotional influence, but… From now on, Sougo, healing like that is off limits. Okay?”

Sougo remembered that he felt very small then, sitting there under his uncle’s gaze, dazed and uncomprehending. He didn’t understand exactly why his uncle was telling him not to use this particular power of his at the time. If he could heal people when they were hurt, then shouldn’t he do so? Even if it made him tired… But Satoshi was serious—much more serious than Sougo usually saw him, and so he had the feeling he needed to… take his words to heart. So he nodded, biting his lip just a bit as he gazed back into his uncle’s eyes.

“Okay…”

“Promise me you won’t do it again?”

“Yeah… I promise.”

“And another thing…” Satoshi bit his lip, and placed a hand on one of Sougo’s knees, squeezing a bit. “I think it would be best…

“If you didn’t tell your father about this…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! ᕕ( ; w ; )ᕗ


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